10 Painful Truths To Accept For a Good Life
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A few years ago, my life was a mess. No clear vision of anything, job loss, limited finances, relationship turbulence, and many more setbacks in life.
I was stuck, as my energy was scattered everywhere. Everything felt like a way out, but it was just an illusion trapping me more inside this mental “trouble bubble.”
It’s the irony of life that when everything goes wrong, you get the right answers if you return to the basics.
I also decided to take a fresh start by asking myself, “What am I ignoring in life?” I couldn’t answer this question for days.
But deep down, I knew many answers.
I was just scared to admit it.
The problem with confusion, overwhelming, and dilemma is we do know the truths, we do know what’s right, but we ignore them.
Reason?
Truth is painful.
Truth is uncomfortable.
Truth hurts.
But it’s inevitable to learn and accept if you want to grow and reciprocate.
I had no other option than to accept these truths. I think that was the turning moment of life.
So here’s a list of hard truths that helped me transform my gloomy and directionless life into a better, meaningful, and empowered one.
1. Life is not meant to be happy. Always.
We all believe that the purpose of life is to be happy.
But it isn’t. A happy life is a myth.
The truth is life always gives you lemons.
If you don’t like lemonade, you must know what to do with it. Make a dressing, loaf, cake, etc.
Likewise, you can’t always be happy. For that, you must know what to do in times of distress.
I experienced that I had to be sad to know the taste of being happy.
It’s okay to be not okay.
Setbacks are unavoidable.
Just as fruits have a hard uneatable seed inside, you have to accept sadness as a part of your life.
The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment — Sad and happy. Successes and failures.
Why? Because nothing stays forever, and every sadness precedes happiness.
Paulo Coelho says:
“The secret of life is to fall seven times and get up the eighth time.”
Later, I realized that getting punched in the face regularly made me more resilient.
2. You can fail even after giving your best shot.
I was always hard on myself, thinking, “How can I fail even after doing my best?”
But I forgot that “best” is a comparative word. I did best in comparison to my previous self. But is it enough for me to succeed? Maybe. May not be. Giving my one hundred percent doesn’t guarantee success. It just assures me of my capabilities.
Also, there are many reasons for not finding success, like the wrong attitude, arrogance, karma philosophy, luck, etc.
Sometimes, it’s even possible that you’re just not ready to be at the top. Success delayed is not success denied.
One can never be best.
Life’s always a learning experience.
When you think you’re best at anything, two things are likely to happen:
You stop learning.
You stop doing your best because you develop an “I am something” attitude.
These things only make you complacent, preventing your growth.
Outcomes are always uncontrollable. So, it’s better to accept and move on than to wait and sulk because,
“Sun always shines after the rain.”
3. Your life isn’t based on ifs and buts.
I want to go to the gym but I have no time.
I want to write but I have no resources.
I’ll surely go for a morning walk if the weather permits.
My productivity will skyrocket if I wake up early or get myself a new Macbook.
I will write if I don’t have a dayjob.
I used to give myself these lame excuses. But I was fooling myself.
I was trying to mask my weaknesses and inefficiencies to achieve what I want.
But, unfortunately, most people like me use “life conditions” to excuse their dreams.
But the truth is you don't have the commitment or willpower to do what you want.
So either you do or don’t; there are no ifs and buts. Life doesn’t offer you something based on what you’re comfortable with.
We don’t know what’ll happen the next moment.
So, always ask yourself, “What if I never get a chance to fulfill my dreams?”
As author Kudrat Dutta Chaudhary says:
“Whenever tragedy strikes, one is left either to die or with a plethora of ifs and buts to ponder over.”
Every moment is an opportunity. Every breath has a hidden power to cause a revolution.
4. You always have the power of choice.
A commuter on the subway sucked my energy with his non-sense talk.
My boss is always rude to me.
My friends always self-invite themselves and waste my weekend.
No one asked me what I wanted to have for dinner.
My neighbor’s dog always spoils my lawn.
These thoughts are a “victimized way of living.” I realized that these weak thoughts made me feel powerless and helpless.
But the truth is I was just one thought away from feeling powerful. I was just one response away from blaming others to owning responsibility.
And that was — “I am the master of my life, and I have the power to choose what works best for me.”
We always have the power to choose what we actually want, but cluttering the mind with worthless thoughts like, “what will others think, what if I sound rude or politically incorrect, etc.”
You don’t know the outcome until you try.
John Steinbeck mentions in his book East of Eden:
“It is easy out of laziness, out of weakness, to throw oneself into the lap of deity, saying, ‘I couldn’t help it; the way was set.’ But think of the glory of the choice! That makes a man a man. A cat has no choice, a bee must make honey. There’s no godliness there.”
5. Failure is a myth.
I don’t believe failure exists. Failure is just an expectation not met.
When you expect too many things from yourself without considering your strengths and weaknesses, you’re bound to fall short.
I perceived myself as a failure because I expected to have a proper job, a mansion, or a car by reaching 25.
So, failure is only a reflection of “unmet expectations.”
Zig Ziglar has wise advice in this context:
“Failure is a detour; not a dead-end street.”
6. Not everyone who appreciates you is your “real friend.”
In this era of social media, we consider everyone as a friend or a well-wisher. We accept a friend request on Facebook, and there we have it.
But the truth is friends are not easy to make. Especially those who stand beside you to wipe off your tears or offer you a shoulder to cry on.
Just because someone talks with you nicely doesn’t mean they care about you and your life.
I realized this brutal truth when my brittle relationship broke, spreading the broken pieces of my heart everywhere.
So, don’t call anyone your friend unless they have stood the test of time. It just spoils the meaning of friendship.
7. No one is your enemy.
People who insulted and rejected me were my enemies. For a major part of my life, I considered them as a hindrance to my peace.
But I was wrong. They were only presenting their ideas and opinions.
Basing my self-worth on public opinions or perceptions was my mistake.
So, the truth is no one really can get into your mind to sabotage your peace. If someone’s rude, it means they’re hurt.
But if you keep churning insults and negativity in your mind, you’ll never be peaceful. It’s on you to make way for your peace.
The only way I saw out was to consider advice and opinions as just perceptions. This prevented me from an urge to react to them.
Laird Hamilton once said:
“Make sure your worst enemy doesn’t live between your own two ears.”
8. You are on your own.
We came into this world. Alone. Then we found a company in our parents, siblings (if any), friends, partners, etc.
But do they always stay with us?
Perhaps, no!
I realized that I was always alone in the time of distress. A medical emergency, financial loss, or mental stress — no one could share my pain.
No doubt, family and friends were around to support me, but I had to fight my battle. I had to face what life threw at me.
We often forget the fact that our actions create our destiny. And only, we have to taste the fruits of our actions — good or bad.
Others can support us or help us, but they can’t walk the path of our life for us. We have to do it alone.
No matter how scary it looks, life is the “walk of the alone.”
9. Free is worthless.
Sure, I’ll be there for the Saturday night party. As always!
I am always free for you.
You know, I can never say no to you.
I don’t have anything to do on the weekend. So count me in.
We need to stop using these phrases. The more available we are, the less worthy people consider us.
I have realized it. When I used these phrases extensively, my friends, office colleagues, and even my boss took me for granted.
They never sought permission to count me in their work. Instead, they always declared their decision like a “king’s final verdict.”
So, you have to draw a boundary between your “me time” and “socializing.”
Otherwise, people will think of you like a free candy or a complimentary airline’s earphones — worthless.
If you value yourself, people will value you.
10. There’s no such thing as “perfect time.”
We tend to wait to that “perfect moment” to propose, confess, or express our feelings.
But the truth is the perfect moment never arrives. Even when we try to make it perfect later, it loses its charm, value, and meaning. And often, we’re left with nothing but regrets.
“I wish I had done it earlier. I wish I had proposed to her in college. I wish….”All these wishes and desires drown you in guilt and suck the joy of living.
Sometimes, our feelings remain inside forever because the person for whom it was meant to be is no more.
Now is the best time because “time never gets better.”
Final Thoughts
Truth doesn’t need proof for validation.
It exists, no matter what. These truths might be hard to accept, but they empower you to make significant changes.
Living with an uncomfortable truth is better than a fake comfort. At least you know what to expect.
These truths ground you to reality in such a way that you’ll never lose a sense of sight. It depends on you whether you accept them or choose to live in an illusion.
The choice is yours.
If you found this letter helpful, please share it with your friends and family.
That’s all from my side.
👉 If this post resonates with you, forward it on to your buddies!
And please, don't forget to hit that ❤️ button.
If you’re NOT using the app, respond with the word “Awesome.”
It helps others find it on Substack.
Thanks for the support! 🙌
Stellar advice. Thank you. Will share.
Wow. Perfect for me today and TY!