3 Repeated Lies That Cause More Harm Than Good

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A terrifying nightmare gave me a panic attack.

I couldn’t fall back asleep after jolting awake at 2:00 am.

To calm my nerves, I decided to read a book, but I couldn’t focus on the words. Resorting to plan B, I decided to make some hot cacao to warm and soothe myself.

However, to my dismay, the cacao tin was empty. Frustrated, I opted for a relaxing bath instead.

As I stepped into the tub, I slipped.

By the time morning rolled, I was fuming.

Little did I know, the day had more frustrations in store.

On my way to a family function, my car broke down in the middle of nowhere. Road assistance turned down my request due to the high volume.

I was left shivering in the cold.

Luckily, I finally managed to hail a taxi after an hour.

By now, a migraine had kicked in.

So I asked the driver to swing by any drive-through for a hot beverage. To my dismay, the line was so long that it would have cost me at least 30 minutes.

I decided to abandon the coffee mission and head straight to my relatives.

Dragging myself to the venue, everyone greeted me with cheers: “Good morning! How’s it going?”

To my surprise, I responded with a big smile, “I’m doing great, thanks!” making my way to the beverages area.

As I settled, I couldn’t help but think, “My morning was a disaster, yet I claimed I was doing great. I lied about how I felt, but somehow, that lie actually made me feel a little better?”

Puzzled by this phenomenon, I turned to the internet for answers.

What Science Says

I found a research study stating:

“Telling the same lies repeatedly makes it real for us. Since we believe in these lies, they make us feel that way. It is often referred to as illusory truth.”

As I contemplated, I realized that we tell plenty of lies to ourselves and others without comprehending or thinking about it.

I thought, “If lying about my well-being can make me feel better, it could also be true for other (negative) lies too.”

This thought terrified me a bit because lies are lies.

Later I came across a research experiment conducted by David R. Hamilton, Ph.D. proving that our brain can’t separate a real thing from an imaginary.

When we start believing in lies, we feel that it’s true (because the brain remembers everything in the form of feelings).

Looking at myself and others, I realized that we had subconsciously wired our brains to tell lies because we believed in them.

Due to this psychological fact, we are repeatedly telling lies unconsciously, and some are actually becoming real.

Most of our mental stress and life problems have stemmed from these lies.

Lie 1: “I am Busy”

Whenever someone comes to us with a request, the first thing that we speak or want to speak is, “I am busy.”

But the truth is we are never busy. It’s only about priorities.

Internally, we feel that the other person is not that important to be addressed. So we excuse ourselves with this lie.

Let’s say your child asks you to take him to a picnic.

You have no plans but don’t feel like going out.

So, you turn down his/her request by this lie.

Now, if your colleague or manager hosts a dinner party and invites you, you’ll feel it’s an obligation to attend, so you accept it.

Here, the priorities changed because your thinking has changed. You weigh your professional life more than your personal life.

For some, we are busy, while for others, we are never busy.

But often, we use this lie to escape from situations or requests.

By abusing this lie, it has become so real that our brains have evolved to be unnecessarily busy.

All the time, we are thinking about something or the other. Our brain’s busy buzzing like a bumblebee, “Now, what can I do?”

If we pause and check, we’ll find that most of our thoughts are waste thoughts (i.e., thoughts of fear, memories, fantasies, past, future anxiety, etc.).

Being busy overthinking, we lose our mental energy.

Result?

We can not complete even the smallest task in a scheduled time frame.

This lie has imprinted on the brain's DNA to such an extent that we always want to be busy with distractions like mobile, movies, etc. And these distractions are burdening us with fatigue.

If we think everyone has the same twenty-four hours. Some of us use it, while some abuse it.

What you can do instead:

Since this lie has been harrowed deeper inside the brain, we need to work at the mental level.

Whenever we want to tell this lie, we must ask ourselves, “What is it that I am super busy? If I actually am, do I need to change something in my routine or habits?”

I love how Henry David Thoreau explains this lie:

“It’s not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is, what are we busy about?”

By answering the above question, we’d be able to look within ourselves to straighten our priorities and check if we’re heading in the right direction or not. Slowly and gradually, we’ll be able to erase this lie from our brains.

Lie 2: “I Don’t Know What I Should Do”

Everyone is different in all aspects. Everyone has different abilities and personalities. Some can run faster, while some can jump higher.

Everyone is unique.

But, we fail to identify our strengths. Even if we do, we are scared to work according to our strengths. We are afraid of the consequences.

Besides, we get caught up in the “comparison trap” and “what others might think.” And owing to this weak mentality, we lean on others for approval.

Warren Buffet quoted a beautiful line in one of his interviews:

“Risk comes from not knowing what you’re doing.”

I think he’s 100% correct. If we don’t risk anything, then life will be devoid of all of the fun. Without risking, our life would be pale and dull.

Does the idea of life without struggles and failures sound interesting?

We know the answer, but since we are using this lie, our brain has started believing in it. The more we say this lie, the weaker and dumber we become.

This lie has made us more dependent on others now than ever before because it gives us leeway to escape from shouldering any personal responsibility.

What you can do instead:

We must always remember that “life is just an experiment,” and we all learn by committing mistakes.

But forgetting to implement this rule or “becoming too lazy to dare” forces us to use this lie.

Stop thinking about what others might think about you. It’s your life, and no one is going to live it for you.

You are always responsible for what you do (even if you choose to live your life according to others).

I have made a list of my strengths and achievements. Whenever I feel that I don’t know what to do or can’t make decisions, I revise it.

Instantly, it makes me realize that I have achieved these merits by believing in myself. It empowers me to take charge of what I want to do.

So, make it a mantra of your life never to use this lie. Because every time we use it, our mind becomes weak and lazy enough to do something creative and fun.

Steve Jobs once stated his life secret in his interviews:

“Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.

Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living the result of other people’s thinking.

Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drowned your own inner voice.

And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition, they somehow already know what you truly want to become.

Everything else is secondary.”

The next time we feel the urge to use this lie, we must look within and value ourselves by doing what we want rather than depending on others.

Lie 3: “I Cannot Live Without X”

Okay, this is a lie we all tell 1000x in a day:

• On my first date, I said, “Oh my darling, I love you so much that I can’t live without you.”

• And then after the first fight, I yelled, “You had been so annoying since day one that I don’t even want to see your face.”

So, what happened between the first date and the first fight?

When we tell such lies, it wires the brain to be dependent on one another.

Have you not noticed that two independent people become dependent on their partners after falling in love?

However, depending on one another isn’t harmful. But excessive dependence spoils the joy of a relationship.

I have noticed from my friends and family that partners in relationships become so dependent on one another that they can’t even fulfill their daily chores by themselves.

From finding bath towels to socks, choosing what to wear to deciding what to cook, partners depend on each other for everything.

Isn’t this a toxic habit?

When we were small, we were dependent on our parents. Then we replaced them with teachers, friends, jobs, etc.

We have become so weak using this lie that now we are using it for gadgets, social media, and even food:

I can’t live without my phone.
I can’t survive without my morning coffee.
I can’t live without Instagram, TikTok, etc.

We have become so mentally fragile that we can’t even pass an hour without checking our phones’ notifications.

What you can do instead:

First, stop using this line.

No one or nothing accompanies us to eternity.

We need to hammer this truth into our brains. This thought will empower us to be practical and use wise words instead of flattery lies.

Second of all, if we don’t learn to live without someone/something, then time teaches us to do so.

Besides, we must remember that the only things we can’t live without are air, water, and food. The rest of the things are complementary.

Final Thoughts

We all have learned from books and movies that lies are beneficial when they’re not selfish.

But what about those repeated lies that make a deep groove in our brains and influence our feelings?

Lies aren’t bad until they harm us or others. But the moment they start affecting us or others negatively, it’s a sign to change.

To quote (ugh!) Adolf Hitler in this context:

“If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.”

So, we must always be careful of what we say. Who knows what our minds might pick and manifest into a reality.

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Darshak Rana