3 Toxic Beliefs That'll Invite 99% of Life Problems
Hey friend!!!
Toxic beliefs are like little gremlins sitting on your shoulders, whispering self-limiting thoughts into your ears.
These thoughts poison your mind with self-doubt and prevent you from unlocking your full potential. They also make you feel unworthy and undeserving of success.
When I was younger, my mom told me that I could achieve anything I set my mind to. I believed her, and because of that, I could accomplish a lot.
But there were also times when I didn’t believe her and self-doubted myself.
Result? I found myself in the quicksand of failures and problems — emotional, physical, psychological, mental, and social!
I’m sure you can relate. We all have those toxic beliefs that we cling to, preventing us from living our best lives.
So now, whenever I doubt myself, I remind myself that toxic beliefs invite 99% of problems in life — and that’s not something I want to invite into my life. (Thanks, Mom!)
Here are three of the most common toxic beliefs you might want to eliminate at the earliest stage.
“I am Unworthy of What I Have“— The Imposter Syndrome
I ranked in the top ten of my school class. I was captain of the basketball team and was president of the student council.
But despite all my successes, I felt like a fraud. Like I was pretending to be the confident and successful person everyone thought I was.
This toxic belief is called the imposter syndrome, and it’s when you feel like you’re not good enough, no matter how much evidence there is to the contrary.
The imposter syndrome is the cancer of the mind.
Your self-limiting thoughts make you believe against your abilities. You feel you’re faking it, and sooner or later, everyone will realize it.
You think, “What if they find out I’m not as good as they think I am?”
Or, “I don’t deserve what I have because I’m not good enough.”
It’s the belief that luck favors you, even though you’ve worked hard for it and deserve it.
According to Cleveland Clinic, this belief can be extremely damaging, leading to anxiety and depression. It can also hold you back from taking risks and achieving your full potential.
But the good part is it’s the most common belief. A psychological study says that up to 70% of people feel like a fraud at some point.
And it can be eliminated.
So, don’t be harsh on yourself.
Here’s What Can Help
Become aware of your thoughts and feelings. When you start to feel like a fraud, take a step back and observe your thoughts. Don’t react!
Acknowledge your successes. It’s important to recognize your achievements, no matter how small they seem.
Give yourself credit where it’s due.
Talk to someone you trust. When you’re feeling down, reach out to a friend or loved one who will understand and offer support.
Remember that everyone feels this way at times. You are not alone in feeling like this.
“I Need Validation From Others” — The Fear of Rejection
As a kid, my elders constantly told me that I needed to be good to be loved.
Every time I did something good, they said, “good boy” instead of “good job.”
This subtle change of words programmed my mind that doing things perfectly(according to others) makes you a good person.
I grew up thinking that I needed to do everything perfectly or else I will be rejected.
The reality is that “doing” is different from “being.” You can be a good person and do bad things and vice versa.
Not understanding this subconscious belief wreaked havoc in my life as I became a people-pleaser, always seeking validation from others.
I was scared to take risks. I didn’t challenge myself because I thought I would fail. And that people will judge. Hate me. Ghost me!
It took me many counseling sessions to believe that rejection is natural and unavoidable. And more importantly, love and acceptance aren’t based on failures or successes.
The bottom line is the fear of rejection paralyzes your actions. Here’s why:
Your past rejections make you believe that “history will repeat.”
You’re not scared of rejection but how others will perceive you.
Your cognition tells you that rejection is an ultimatum like death.
This way, you self-limit your success. You hold back from going after your dreams because you fantasize and believe in negative extremes.
According to Healthline, you might avoid relationships altogether because you’re afraid of getting hurt.
Here’s What Can Help
Challenge your beliefs. When you fear rejection, ask yourself if your belief is true. Is there evidence to support it?
Instead of worrying about what others think, focus on your own opinion of yourself.
WRITE reasons why your fears are imaginary. Writing rewires your subconscious mind to accept a new reality.
You are the only one who decides if you’re good enough.
Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself when you make a mistake or fail. We all fail at times. It’s part of being human.
Victim Mentality — “Poor Me”
This belief is closely related to the fear of rejection. The victim mentality is when you believe that you’re powerless and that life is happening TO you.
You might think, “I can’t do anything right,” or “Why does this always happen to me?”
Some common victim mentality beliefs are:
I always fail.
Life is unfair.
Success is my enemy.
Bad things always happen to me.
People are out to get me.
The world is against me.
If you identify with any of these beliefs, then it’s a sign you may be stuck in a victim mentality. And that’s not an empowering place to be.
Why?
Because when you see yourself as a victim, you give away the power to change. You tell yourself that you’re not in control of your life. And you can’t do anything to change your life circumstances.
The victim mentality leads to feelings of helplessness and despair.
This toxic belief is damaging because it keeps you from making decisions for your life. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that will keep you stuck where you are in life.
You might believe that you can’t change your circumstances, so why to bother trying!
But here’s the truth: you are not powerless!
You have the power to change your life, but you have to take responsibility for your happiness.
Here’s What Can Help
Change your language. Instead of saying, “I can’t,” say, “I can.” Instead of saying, “This always happens to me,” say, “I create my reality.”
Start with making small decisions for your life. You are the only one who can control your thoughts, actions, and emotions. No one else is responsible for your happiness but you.
Focus on what you can control. There are many things in life that we can’t control, but we can control our reactions to them. Focus on what you can control and let go of the rest.
Last Thoughts
So, how do you get rid of these toxic thoughts and invite more success into your lives?
It starts with recognizing those faulty beliefs that invite the most unnecessary problems in your life.
Once you become aware of them, you can begin to question their validity and work to eliminate them from your thinking.
There is no one right way to do this; it will be different for everyone. Some people may find it helpful to talk about their toxic thoughts with a friend or therapist, while others may prefer to write out their negative beliefs and then challenge them.
The important thing is that you start the change process and keep moving forward.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments/responses about which of the other beliefs have held you back and your plan to overcome them.
If my letter motivated you even a bit, consider sharing it with your friends and family.
And don’t forget to reply with any emoji that represents your feelings right now!
Thanks once again for being my friend!
See ya!
Lots of love,
Darshak