4 Subtle Addictions You Must Break To Become Your Best Self
No, it’s not about social media or binge-watching
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Addictions aren’t just substances.
They’re often behaviors and habits that erode your potential. While some addictions are overt and easy to spot, others are subtle and deep-rooted.
These can be even more dangerous, as they often camouflage as normal behaviors.
Journaling every day for over five years unearthed certain recurring behaviors I didn’t realize bound me. And as I began working on them, my life shifted in ways I couldn’t have imagined.
NB: No, I am not talking about digital overconsumption, comparison traps, or binge-watching.
1. Settling For Less
Comfort is addictive. Comfort is toxic.
“Settling is the art of taking the easy way out. Sure, it will work. But you will never know what was truly in store for you if you had the courage to do what was right in your heart.” — The Better Mom Project
Every morning, when my alarm clock rang, a voice inside my head said, “Another day, same old job.”
I used to think staying in my 9–5 job was the safest choice. After all, it paid the bills.
That’s what I did for years. Safe sounded good.
But good =/= happiness.
It was suffocating to see my friends dive into their passions, while I stood still. I was envious, frustrated, and utterly drained to see myself not growing emotionally, socially, and mentally.
Those stifling cubicle walls whispered a truth I couldn’t ignore — I defined my own limits. Not society. Falling into routines is easy. Breaking free requires guts.
The moment I started questioning the so-called stability, my surroundings went into a frenzy. My friends and family looked at me like I was insane. “You’ve got a stable job and benefits. What more do you want?”
It’s crushing when the very environment that’s supposed to nurture you turns into a straitjacket. I felt suffocated, limited, and stagnant.
You’d think the world would cheer for your courage to think outside the box. But no, they pull you back in, like crabs in a bucket.
So why did I settle?
Fear.
Uncertainty.And the gnawing belief that perhaps this is as good as it gets.
But, questioning my life’s choices made me realize that compromise is the enemy of ambition. The longer I stayed, the more I lost touch with what I yearned for.
I quit.
The journey ever since hadn’t been smooth. But at least I control my life. I know that I am responsible for my growth. Unlike a 9–5 where there’s politics, corporate drama, water cooler shenanigans, and backstabbing.
I am not saying that everyone must quit
It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution.
Instead — introspect.
Ask yourself:
Am I getting according to my worth?
Am I chasing money or money + freedom?
If fear wasn’t holding me back, what would I do differently?
Will I regret not taking the leap in ten years?
Am I living my authentic life or someone else’s version of it?
Unchain yourself.
The only thing you’ll regret is not doing it sooner.
“One day you will wake up and be so glad you did not settle. You will be so glad you did not give up. You will be so glad you did not sync yourself to someone else’s pace and you chose instead to anchor yourself in the steady rhythm of grace.” — Morgan Harper Nichols
2. Love in the Form of Emotional Blackmail
People have often made me feel guilty just by pouting or saying something like:
“If you loved me, you’d do this for me.”
“If you’re my best friend, cover this for me.”
“If you really cared about me, you’d never say that.”
“If you trust our bond, you’d keep this secret for me” (hitting a car in a parking lot)
For the math test, I didn’t want to lose my friend! So, I let him cheat, and guess what?
We both got caught, and I was suspended from school for a week.
And he got away with a fake sorry.
It took me a while to realize that love shouldn’t be a leash. Just because they loved me didn’t mean they could treat me like a puppet on strings.
So, I decided to break free. I started saying No when things felt wrong, even if it made them upset. It’s also okay to lose relationships that don’t respect your values.
It helped me find out who really loved me and who didn’t.
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher. Life is already filled with those who want to bring you down.” — Oprah Winfrey
The big lesson?
Genuine love nurtures and liberates. It does not cage.
Recognize these patterns, even if it means facing harsh realities. If love comes with conditions, is it really love?
Listen to that whisper inside you. That little voice that tells you something isn’t right. Trust it. Your essence knows.
3. The Stubbornness Trap
During a casual chat, my roommate Raj and I debated the better pet choice: cats or dogs.
“I’m telling you, cats are superior,” I asserted, “They’re self-sufficient and easy-going.”
Raj countered, “Dogs offer loyalty and security. Can’t you appreciate that?”
Rather than considering his viewpoint, my inner voice yelled: Who’s right? Me. “Cats aren’t as needy,” I retorted.
“Dogs guard homes!” he shot back.
Our conversation quickly spiraled, becoming more intense.
To bolster my argument, I started exaggerating dogs’ downsides, even if not entirely accurate.
“Dogs are too loud and chaotic,” I exclaimed.
Raj, visibly upset, responded, “That’s a gross generalization.”
I might have won that debate, but the victory was hollow.
Turns out that always being right is a heavy shackle
Though proving yourself right seems comforting and addictive, pause.
Reflect:
Do I listen to respond or to understand?
Is my need to be right hurting those around me?
Do I value relationships or winning an argument more?
4. Seeking Social Rewards
In school, I was a star student. Every award, every accolade, felt like a feather in my cap.
But soon, those achievements became my identity.
I found myself doing things not because they were right or meaningful but for the applause. The praises became a drug, and I was hooked.
During a painting competition, I found myself staring blankly at my canvas. Instead of letting my imagination guide my brush, my mind was consumed by one thought: “What would get me the first prize?”
I wasn’t painting for the love of it or to express my emotions. I was painting to win, to hear the applause, and to bask in external validation.
This need for external approval began infiltrating other aspects of my life. From the way I dressed to the opinions I voiced, I was more concerned about fitting in and being lauded than being true to myself.
Then, during a summer retreat, a spiritual instructor shared a profound saying:
“Living for validation is like building your house on sand. When the tide comes in, everything you’ve built will wash away.”
That struck a chord.
Was my self-worth so fragile that it depended on the fluctuating opinions of others?
I began to focus on inner validation.
Journaling my feelings, meditating, and engaging in self-reflective practices became my tools. Over time, I learned to recognize and value my internal compass, understanding that it was the most reliable guide.
Yes, it’s gratifying to be recognized and appreciated by peers, friends, and family.
But it’s crucial to remember that their validation is the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
Your worth isn’t determined by how many likes you get, the awards on your shelf, or the number of people singing your praises.
It’s determined by your beliefs, your values, and how you feel about yourself when no one’s watching.
It’s the unseen chains that weigh the heaviest.
Like me, you might’ve been held back by the comfort of settling, the tug of emotional blackmail, or the obsession with always being right.
But, awareness is the first step to transformation.
Now, I’d love to hear from you!
Have you faced any of these subtle addictions? How did you overcome them?
Let’s make this a community where we learn from each other’s experiences. Because the journey to our best self is always sweeter when shared.
👉 If this post resonates with you, forward it on to your buddies!
And please, don't forget to hit that ❤️ button.
If you’re NOT using the app, respond with the word “Awesome.”
It helps others find it on Substack.
Thanks for the support! 🙌