9 Truth Bombs That Will Make Your Life’s Choices Simpler
The more you resist the realities, the worse your life becomes
I am 33, but I feel like 90.
I’ve had more setbacks than breakthroughs.
I’ve lost many valuable relationships due to my ego.
I’ve suffered from depression.
I’ve been broke.
I’ve fractured my bones, torn my ligaments.
I’ve lived with countless roommates with different personalities.
I’ve worked as a manager, served as a busboy.
I’ve already been to places I dreamed of in my childhood.
But, no matter what I did, whom I met, and how I lived — I have learned that accepting the hard sh*t is the only way to proceed further in life.
If you don’t accept reality, you’re stuck in miseries.
Here I share a list of naked hard truths that helped me transform my gloomy and directionless life into a better, meaningful, and empowered one.
1]. You choose your life situations
A commuter on the subway sucked my energy with his nonsensical talk…
My boss is an energy vampire…
My friends always self-invite themselves to waste my weekend…
No one asked me what I wanted for dinner…
My neighbor’s dog always poops on my lawn….
These thoughts led me to a “victimized way of living.” They made me feel powerless and vulnerable to overthinking.
But I was just one thought away from feeling empowered.
Life became simpler when I changed my thought responses from blaming others to owning responsibility.
If someone sucked my energy, who allowed it?
If someone’s arrogant, what has it to do with me?
If people don’t seek my opinion, what does it have to do with my self-worth?
In the book “East of Eden,” John Steinbeck writes the secret of empowered living:
“It is easy out of laziness, out of weakness, to throw oneself into the lap of deity, saying, I couldn’t help it; the way was set.
But think of the glory of the choice! That makes a man a man.
A cat has no choice, a bee must make honey. There’s no godliness there.”
2]. You can never be the best
Best is a comparative word — I forgot this fourth-grade grammar lesson.
When I failed my University exam(my first academic failure), I cried before my father, “I did my best. Yet I failed.”
He consoled me, “It’s okay to fail. But remember one thing — Did you do your best as compared to your previous self? Was it enough for you to pass?”
You limit your abilities by thinking, “I did my best.” You subtly program your subconscious that you CAN’T do any better.
The truth is no one can be best at anything; they can just be better than the rest because the day you become the best, arrogance brings you down.
If you think you did best:
You stop learning
You become self-complacent
Superiority complex rots you from the inside
So, don’t limit your capabilities by thinking you did your best.
“The best is yet to come” — my biggest life lesson to date.
3]. The two real enemies of growth
I want to go to the gym, but I have no time…
I want to write, but I have no resources…
I’ll go for a morning walk if the weather permits…
My productivity will skyrocket if I wake up early…
I will pursue my passion when I don’t have a day job…
For a long time, I prevented healthy changes in my life with these conditional statements.
When nothing changed as per my wish, I understood — life doesn’t offer what you’re comfortable with.
I evaded the truth that I lacked the conviction and will to do what I ought to.
So either you do, or you don’t. There are no ifs and buts.
When I was down with Covid and saw death face-to-face, I didn’t regret what I did; I regretted what I didn’t do.
As author Kudrat Dutta Chaudhary says:
“Whenever tragedy strikes, one is left either to die or with a plethora of ifs and buts to ponder over.”
Every moment is an opportunity. Every breath has a hidden power to cause a revolution.
Don’t work for today; work for tomorrow. But live for today!
4]. You’re not supposed to be happy always
Why should I strive for happiness?
Why can’t I cry and sulk?
Society taught me to fake a smile to camouflage my true emotions.
A happy life is a myth!
The truth is life always gives you lemons.
If you don’t like lemonade, you must know what to do with it — make a dressing, loaf, cake, etc. Likewise, you can’t always be happy.
You must know what to do in times of distress.
Use criticism as a motivating force.
See obstacles as an opportunity.
It’s okay to be not okay.
Setbacks are unavoidable.
Just as fruits have a hard uneatable seed inside, you have to accept sadness as a part of your life.
The purpose of life is to enjoy every moment, sad or happy, with grace because nothing stays forever, and every sadness precedes happiness.
5]. A failure is a subtle form of expectation
I don’t believe in failures anymore.
Failure is just an expectation not met.
When you expect too many things from yourself without considering your strengths and weaknesses, you’re bound to fall short.
I considered myself a failure because I expected to have a stable job, a mansion, and a car by 25.
So, failure is only a reflection of “unmet expectations.”
Zig Ziglar has wise advice in this context:
“Failure is a detour; not a dead-end street.”
6]. No one is your enemy
People who insulted and rejected me were my enemies.
For a major part of my life, I considered them a hindrance to my peace.
But I was wrong.
They were only presenting their ideas and opinions.
Basing my self-worth on public opinions or perceptions was my mistake.
Not theirs.
So, the truth is no one can get into your mind to sabotage your peace. If someone’s rude, it means they’re hurt.
If you keep churning insults and negativity in your mind, you’ll never be peaceful. It’s on you to make way for your peace.
The only way I saw out was to consider advice and opinions as just perceptions.
7]. You are alone in this world
We came into this world. Alone. Then we found company in our parents, siblings (if any), friends, partners, etc.
But do/will they stay with us forever?
Perhaps, no!
I always found myself alone in the time of distress. Whether it’s a medical emergency or financial loss, or mental stress — no one could share my pain. Undoubtedly, family and friends were around to support me, but I had to fight my battle.
I had to face what life threw at me.
We often forget the truth that our actions create our destiny. And only we have to taste the fruits of our actions — good or bad. Others can support us, help us, but they can’t walk the path of our life for us.
We have to do it alone.
No matter how scary it looks, life is the “walk of the alone to the alone.”
8]. If you’re free, then you’re worthless
Sure, I’ll be there for the Saturday night party, as always…I am always free for you…You know, I can never say no to you…I don’t have anything to do on the weekend; count me in.
We need to stop using these phrases. The more available we are, the less worthy people consider us.
When I used these phrases extensively, my friends, office colleagues, and even my boss took me for granted. They never sought permission to count me in their work.
Instead, they always declared their decision like a king’s final verdict.
So, you have to draw a boundary between your “me time” and “socializing.”
Otherwise, people will think of you like a free candy or complimentary airline earphones — worthless.
Treat yourself the way you want others to treat you.
9]. “Perfect time” is a myth
We tend to wait for “perfect moments” to propose, confess, or express our feelings.
But the truth is the perfect moment never arrives.
Even when we try to make it perfect later, it loses its charm, value, and meaning. And often, we’re left with regrets.
I wish I had sought forgiveness earlier. I wish I started writing online earlier. I wish….All these wishes and desires drown you in guilt and suck the joy of living.
Sometimes, your feelings remain inside forever because the person for whom it was meant to be is no more. And you’re left with regrets.
So, time never gets better. It only gets worse.
There’s a Chinese saying explaining the importance of the present moment:
“The best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now.”
Living with an uncomfortable truth is better than a fake comfort. At least you know what to expect. Truth doesn’t need proof for validation. It exists, no matter what.
These truths ground you to reality, enabling you to see things in their true colors.
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Darshak Rana
I enjoyed reading the article.