Do You Accidentally Let People Drain Your Mental Batteries?
Here’s how I used it as a compass to guide me toward empowerment and take responsibility for my actions
Toxic habits are like cancer that eats us from the inside.
I’m not talking about smoking or drinking. I’m talking about the habits so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize how damaging they are.
Throughout history, some nasty characters have embodied these toxic habits to the max. Take Hitler, for example. That guy had a toxic habit of wanting power and control over everything and everyone. And we all know how that turned out — one of the deadliest genocides in history.
And let’s not forget about King Henry VIII. That dude couldn’t keep it in his pants, and his gluttony for food and women resulted in the deaths of several of his wives.
These are extreme examples, but toxic habits can come in all shapes and sizes.
Most articles on the internet talks about excessive procrastination to negative self-talk. But I want to share something deeper. More subtle but just as deadly.
It’s time to break the cycle and start cultivating healthier behaviors.
Are you with me?
#1. Marinating in self-glory
Over the years, I’ve had a lot of conversations with people about successes. Each time I do, something feels off.
It often starts with conversations like, “Hey, I just got a promotion,” or “I did some amazing work on that project.”
What follows is an entire hour (or two) of bragging about the success and how much better they are compared to everyone else.
It’s okay to share your wins.
But proving yourself superior with phrases like “I’m the only one who could do this” or “No one else is as smart as me” leads to a toxic atmosphere where no room is left for collaboration or growth.
A little bit of self-gloating soon escalates into full-blown narcissism.
Self-love is important, but when taken to the extreme, it can become more of a liability than an asset.
#2. “I did this. What did you do?”
When I first entered the dating world as a young adult, I was eager to jump in and experience all it had to offer.
Despite my good intentions, I quickly encountered something of a surprising trend.
People around me seemed keenly interested in ‘keeping score’ — tabulating who did what in their relationship, from how many cards they received to who did the most chores or spent more money on dates.
This concept amazed me since it felt so counterintuitive to the notions of love and relationships that I had been raised with.
It baffled me why people engaged in such a toxic habit without an ounce of shame — until I realized that this kind of passive-aggressive behavior was a way for some to gain control over their partnership and feel superior to their partner.
It was then that I committed myself to reinforce positive behaviors and actively avoiding this type of one-upmanship when forming connections with others.
#3. Over-reliance on others
“Why don’t you get your leaky tap fixed,” I exhaustively asked my neighbor Sandra after months of her complaining about her plumbing.
What I hadn’t expected was for her to ask me if I could fix it for her!
Sandra had become so used to relying on others that she had never considered learning basic household maintenance. She constantly called friends or family members over when a housing problem arose, assuming someone else would always be available to help her.
The worst part is that she’s never apologetic about not learning to do things independently.
It indeed takes a village to raise a child — but at the same time, relying too heavily on those around us for small tasks can make us feel like we’re always in need of help.
It makes us lose our ability to think creatively.
Taking responsibility and accepting that you can do things yourself is an empowering experience, even if it doesn’t come naturally.
#4. “Your life isn’t as busy as mine still, you’re turning down the Saturday party.”
Ah, the guilt trip.
The toxic habit of making someone feel guilty for not doing something that you deem important is rampant in our society. Yet few people are aware they’re even doing it.
This behavior can take many forms — from parents guilting their children into taking up a sport or hobby to friends shaming each other for not exercising more.
Social media has taken this to a new level by portraying a fake lifestyle that can make anyone guilty about their tiniest weaknesses.
What’s worse, however, is when people use guilt to manipulate someone into doing something convenient for them. What may seem like an innocent remark can have lasting effects on the person you’re trying to manipulate.
Rather than using guilt or manipulation to get someone to do something, it’s better to express your wants and needs in a constructive way.
Respect the person’s decisions and offer to help if you can.
#5. Living in denial
It’s easy to fall into the habit of denial and avoidance. We use excuses like “I don’t have enough time” or “It’s too hard” to justify our inaction.
When things don’t go our way, we put up walls to protect ourselves from the truth. We tell ourselves that it’s not our fault and that everything will be alright soon.
But in reality, it’s a subtle way to escape reality and face problems head-on.
This stops you from using your inner powers to improve your situation and learn from them.
Sadly, this defense mechanism can become a habit that keeps you from using your true potential.
And then, it becomes subconscious programming that makes you believe you can never have or do what you want.
Final Thoughts
From relying on others to playing the blame game, these behaviors can have a crippling effect on our mental health and relationships.
That’s why it’s important to recognize these unhealthy habits and take steps to break away from them.
With a little self-awareness and effort, you can learn how to practice healthier behaviors to help you live a more fulfilled life.
Thank you for taking the time to read "Awesome Human Beings" and for joining me in celebrating the amazing individuals (YOU) who make this world a better place.
I hope that this newsletter has inspired you to reflect on how we can better 1% every day by embracing what we have in life.
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Lots of love and respect,
Darshak Rana