If You Want To Quit Instant Gratification, Read This
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“Needs are imposed by nature. Wants are sold by society.”
― Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Our life starts with a strong belief that “without wanting anything, we don’t get anything.”
Even the famous law of attraction works on the same principle — Burning desires.
This belief propelled me through early adulthood, where I found myself wrestling with a myriad of wants — a prestigious job, a posh car, and a perfect social life.
We each build our lives based on what we yearn for.
If we crave money, fame, or power, we steer our thoughts and actions in that direction.
To satisfy these desires, I saw myself sacrificing all — time, relationships, and even health. This was when I realized I was caught in a dangerous whirlwind.
Since we bet everything against our wants/desires, isn’t it necessary to pause and check if we aren’t chasing a mirage?
I began to see “want” as an illusion because sometimes it misguides us and drops us to the point of no return.
I recall a phase in my life when I yearned for the title of department head.
After spending over two years, I found that it brought nothing but distress and a sense of wasted time.
So, it’s imperative to separate the wheat from the chaff.
Identify the actual wants.
We must analyze our yearnings before we invest our “time and energy.”
After all, those are the only two things that we can’t reverse.
In the age of instant gratification, these questions have shielded me from unnecessary troubles, uninvited stress, and illusive desires.
I’m sure they will do the same for you.
Question №1
Are Your Wants Changing With Time/Situations?
We all are different.
We look differently, think differently, and behave differently.
So are our wants.
Everyone has a different want from life depending on age, sex, caste, religion, physical, mental, and sometimes spiritual stabilities.
When I was a kid, I wanted toys and video games.
As a teen, I craved proper education, fashionable clothes, fancy cell phone, and friends who would take a bullet for me.
Later, as an adult, my wants manifested into a decent-paying job, a car, and beautiful relationships.
However, these desires didn’t become toxic until I started to throw away my life in pursuit of them.
Reflecting on my past, I noticed that my wants were often influenced by external factors.
I found myself envying a friend’s sports car or craving the luxuries that someone with similar qualifications enjoyed.
These wants are transient. Mere infatuation.
They’re like weeds in the garden.
They keep popping up.
They aren’t worthy of your time and life.
If you don’t realize this fact, you would be spending something priceless to acquire them.
You would lose time, money, and sometimes family too.
Your true desires are those that empower you to work towards them.
Those wants/goals don’t vary with time or circumstance.
For example:
If you wanted a Porsche in childhood and if that burning desire stayed with you until adulthood, it will inspire you to work towards it.
Fluctuating desires won’t motivate or empower you.
Instead, they’ll make you feel restless and stressed.
Question №2
Are Your Wants Associated With Happiness?
Whenever we set a goal for ourselves, we associate our happiness with that feat.
We tell our minds that no matter what, we have to reach the goal “to experience joy.”
This automatically conveys the message to the mind that the present moment is not a happy one.
Consequently, we relentlessly run to achieve the “goal of happiness” because we have attributed happiness to physical or psychological goals like buying a house or car, getting a job, or getting married, perhaps.
Having said that, we always find two ways to reach our destination.
One is a shortcut by improper and dishonest means, while the other is the usual but by fair means.
Nevertheless, in the race to reach there early, most of us opt for shortcuts.
We cheat, commit fraud, and hoodwink others.
As a result, we get the by-products of our actions in addition to our physical goals.
We carry hatred, chaos, stress, tension, revenge, and many other negative feelings.
These feelings keep draining our energy every day, and then we perceive others as hurdles in our race to happiness.
Rejections turn into jealousy and hatred.
The mind gets divided between hurting others (by cheating) and loving oneself (acquiring happiness).
But the irony is that only one is possible, and we keep hurting people (taking dishonest means), believing that they are the blockages to our joy.
Finally, we reach our destination, very exhausted and drenched with stress and depression.
Because of this, we can not enjoy success.
The goal which was supposed to give us joy doesn’t make us feel that way.
Whenever we entertain these kinds of toxic wants, we ruin our life by subtly programming our minds to be unhappy(in the present moment).
So the desires that disguise as happiness are the real demons of our life.
Gradually, they rip our entire life apart, killing our mojo.
A Daily Practice to Keep “Wants” in Check
Do you remember the story of the businessman and the fisherman?
The businessman was on vacation in a small coastal village.
One day, he saw a fisherman lying beside his boat, relaxing. Curious, the businessman asked him why he wasn’t out fishing.
The fisherman said he’d caught enough for the day.
The businessman proposed a plan for him to fish more, make more money, buy more boats, and expand his business.
He concluded that one day, the fisherman could relax on the beach without a worry in the world.
The fisherman looked at him and smiled, “Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?”
Like the businessman, we often chase after something more, something bigger, without realizing that what we need might already be in our hands.
A quote by Thoreau beautifully summarizes the gist of that story, “It is not enough to be busy. So are the ants. The question is: What are we busy about?”
It’s a call to make sure our “busyness” aligns with our true wants and needs, not the transient ones society places upon us.
So here’s the real deal. What should we do instead of blindly chasing our wants?
As Melody Beattie famously said:
“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough and more.”
It resonated with me.
Every day, I try to list three things I’m grateful for.
For instance, today, I’m grateful for the morning bike session with my 10-year-old nephew that gave me an energetic start to the day, for the writing deal I signed, and for the rain that cooled down a hot day.
It shifts my focus from what’s lacking in my life to appreciating what I already have.
And it’s transformative.
It’s like flipping a switch.
You suddenly find joy in the small things, and your once “big” desires start to lose their shiny appeal.
Before You Go
No matter what you achieve, how much you achieve, the only thing that matters is HOW you achieve it.
Your approach towards your “wants” decides the quality of your life.
The way you fulfill your desires depends on how much you understand them.
I am sure that the above two questions will help you justify your wishes/desires and save your life from unnecessary problems.
Stop running in life chasing something you really don’t want.
It doesn’t matter what you have or how much you have if you can’t enjoy that.
“The world has enough for everyone’s need, but not enough for everyone’s greed.”
-Mahatma Gandhi
Before you go, please share which point resonated with you the most. Or, if you have anything more to add, I am all ears. Thanks!
👉 If this post resonates with you, don't hesitate to pass it on to buddies!
And please, don't forget to hit that ❤️ button, helping others find it on Substack. If you’re NOT using the app, simply respond with the word “Awesome!“
Thanks for the support! 🙌
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