Stop Overthinking Now!
A few years back, I had a high-paying job, a luxury car, lavish vacations, and conflict-free relationships. Yet I was restless.
An inner void possessed me. I felt empty and hollow despite having the best of everything.
The reason was overthinking. Troubled thoughts of losing everything. Feeling constantly insecure. Sleepless nights.
That made me redefine success.
Having spent countless hours devouring books on psychology, personal development, leadership, science, creativity, and many more areas associated with human potential, I believe I have discovered the answer.
It’s not fame, power, money, or skills.
A gazillion dollars, perfect relationships, impeccable skills, fame — all seem to be worthless if you don’t enjoy the peace of mind.
Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there, and in the arrangement of his life there is no element of chance, but all is the result of a law which cannot err.
— James Allen
True success and power mean mind management — The mastery of the tides of thought.
It is taking control of what to think, when to think, how much to think, and how to think.
The reason is:
Thoughts → Words
Words → Actions
Actions → Habits
Habits → Character
Character→ Destiny
Let’s dive deep.
Why Do You Overthink
The simplest yet most brutal answer is, “You allow yourself to overthink.”
B.K Sister Shivani shares in almost all of her Youtube videos about how everything is a product of thought.
In any given situation, you can’t feel bad/low without having thought negatively.
Let’s say someone comments on your dress at a party.
You feel bad because you think:
How can they insult me?
What do they think of themselves?
Have they seen themselves, what they’re wearing?
What fashion sense do they have?
The list goes on. One negative thought attracts another.
And the last thing you know is you are mentally drained. Plus, you hate that person.
Had you restricted your mind to only one thought, “It’s their perspective, not the ultimate truth,” you wouldn’t have felt worse.
It doesn’t matter how many times you have to repeat the same positive thought. But if you did, the result would have been different.
Tides Of Thoughts
Let’s visualize our mind as a vast ocean.
Our capacity to navigate through the ocean depends on many factors, but I want to draw your attention to your “Thought Compass.”
“Thought Compass” — a metaphorical instrument to navigate through your thoughts — is a critical aspect of your mind, influencing your direction in life.
The more thoughts you juggle, the conflicting emotions they generate, and the intensity of these thoughts, the more tumultuous your voyage will be.
Human beings’ conscious minds can process only 40–50 bits of information per second.
But most people navigate through their life with multiple unwanted thought processes that drain their limited mental energy.
Ruminating about past failures, broken relationships, emotional hurt, etc
Thoughts about future anxieties, dreams, plans, etc.
A list of mixed-priority tasks that need to be completed
Unfinished tasks they were supposed to complete but forgot about
Desires for immediate gratification as a diversion from these thoughts
An internal longing to break free from their habituated ways of living
And the list continues.
Instead of living in the present moment with a single focus and a relaxed mind, we often get caught in a whirlwind of fragmented attention.
Result?
The mind becomes restless. Chaotic. Disarrayed.
The energy that you could have used to perfect your work, relationships, personal commitments, etc., is all used up.
It’s like keeping the car in the ON position without running and discharging its battery.
And we know that a discharged battery can’t work efficiently.
We take 5 hours to complete a one-hour task. We can’t forgive people for their minor mistakes.
We lose the sense of control over our lives that makes us want to control others. And since we can’t control our minds, we seek “power” by ruling others — making them do, behave, talk, etc., according to us.
And that’s a recipe for disaster because people will never behave according to us.
Even if they do, they do it because of our position, role, status, etc. But not willingly.
So, we need to ask ourselves, “Is this true power when the remote control of our peace of mind lies in the hands of others?”
True control is achieved through mind management. Not time management. Not team management.
The less cluttered our mind — the more mindful our focus — the faster our working capabilities become and the more peaceful life becomes.
Here’s what I’ve been practicing for the past eight years or so, and can vouch for the results I’ve seen.
Identify The Dominating Theme
We are most affected by the only one-two thoughts that dominate our minds. These are the thoughts that cause the most disruption.
Ask yourself, what theme of thought is consistently causing turmoil?
Anxiety?
Regret?
Self-doubt?
Social anxiety?
Health concerns?
Reflect, introspect, and identify the one that, when addressed, would have a positive impact on other areas of your life.
Here are some examples:
I have to do X…
I wish I had not done X…
I don’t think I can do X…
They’ll always insult me, reject me,…
I know I’ll end up looking like a fool…
Once you identify the dominant thought, you need to go deeper to check the belief system associated with it.
Check Your Belief System
Most of our thoughts stem from our belief systems.
For example, we have a deep-rooted belief system that people not behaving nicely means an insult.
Agree?
I used to. But not anymore.
People not behaving my way can have a zillion reasons, but none of them is an insult.
They can be fighting internal battles.
They are hurt and sad.
They’re responding according to their “habit of being critical.”
Their natural tone of talking can be loud and satirical.
etc…etc…etc…
An insult is not someone talking badly to us.
An insult is a response we create in our minds to the situation external to us.
Why?
As we discussed earlier, your thoughts create feelings and hence emotions, attitudes, and actions. And with time and repeated patterns, they form a belief system.
So, if you’re feeling anxious due to a person, situation, or without reason:
Check your belief systems
What triggers it?
How it affects you?
If you can’t check your belief systems:
Acknowledge your feelings
Embrace it without judgment
Don’t blame people for your feelings
Seek to understand it without suppressing it
Create a New Programming
Forcing positivity is toxic.
For instance, rather than aiming to never feel anxious again (which is beyond our control), we can create new programming to respond to anxiety in a healthier way, such as:
Whenever I feel anxious, I will check my thoughts
If I think about my past relationship, I’ll tell my mind, “It’s over. Finished. Never to happen again.” (Keep repeating until your mind accepts.)
If someone talks ill of me, I’ll tell myself, “Everyone is entitled to opinions. Just like they chose to badmouth, I choose to ignore. Why? They’re speaking out of their habit, not facts.”
If I think about my future, I’ll intervene, “The seeds of the future lie in the present. What I do now will shape my tomorrow. So, let me get back to work instead of daydreaming, fear, or fantasizing.”
Deep breathing, meditation, and rational self-talk are some of the most powerful tools that’ll help you control your mind.
The One-Word Mantra
You overthink because you’ve let your mind think excessively without intervening for a very long time.
So, just the way you formed the overthinking habit, you can get rid of it in the same manner.
How?
Awareness.
Check your thoughts at regular intervals and write them. It will help you:
Identify your thought patterns
Identify what thought creates which feeling
Understand what triggers you to think that way
Find better thoughts to replace them
Change the way you feel about bad situations
Limit the thought process and preserve mental energy, and focus
Dedicate Daily Time For Mindfulness
Being mindful is not an occasional practice but a daily habit. It’s akin to brushing your teeth.
You don’t do it once and expect a lifetime of oral hygiene, right?
When you want to build mindfulness, you dedicate time and energy to cultivating it, just like you’d dedicate time to nurture a relationship, learn a new skill, or grow a business.
For me, it’s an hourly S-O-S:
S: Stop
O: Observe Your Thought
S: Switch to a Better Thought
Immerse Yourself In The Moment
Thinking about the family at work?
Thinking about work after coming home?
Thinking about dinner on the breakfast table?
Thinking about the upcoming trailer more than the movie you’ve gone to watch at the theater?
This is also overthinking. It falls in the “Now, what?” category. You’re more focused on what’s there to come than what you have.
That’s why mindfulness is necessary to combat overthinking.
Do one thing at a time, like how focused you become when binge-watching Netflix that you lose track of time.
That’s the level of attention we need to the present moment.
Do It Consistently
Just like physical muscles, mental habits need regular exercise to strengthen. Mindfulness, resilience, coping mechanisms, and other mental habits develop with awareness, focus, sustained effort, and learning from past failures.
Don’t expect instant results. Today you’ll be able to stop overthinking after five hours. Tomorrow two. The next day it could be one minute.
There are no shortcuts to personal growth. So, expecting quick fixes lead to frustration, demotivation, and finally, “I quit” thoughts.
Final Thoughts
The continual fight for your attention leaves you overwhelmed, stressed, and disconnected from your true elves. The issue of overthinking is a prime example of this struggle.
Remember, the aim is not to eliminate thoughts entirely (which is impossible) but to cultivate a healthier relationship with them.
Your mind is a powerful tool, and like any tool, it needs regular maintenance and skillful handling to function at its best.
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Love and respect, ❤️
Darshak Rana