The Dark Truth About People Who Tell You to 'Just Cheer Up' — It's Not What You Think
I Used to Hate These People. Then I Realized What Was Really Going On Behind Their Smiles
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They sit across from you at dinner parties. They’re in your family WhatsApp group. They show up in your Instagram comments with toxic positivity that makes you want to throw your phone out the window.
“Just cheer up!”
“Think positive!”
“It’s all in your head!”
I used to want to scream at these people.
Now I just feel sorry for them.
Here’s what I learned after spending years battling mental illness and dealing with the “just cheer up” brigade:
These people aren’t actually trying to help you. They’re trying to protect themselves.
Let me explain.
The Hidden Terror Behind Toxic Positivity
When someone tells you to “just cheer up,” what they’re really saying is:
“Your pain makes me uncomfortable, and I don’t know how to handle it.”
These people aren’t monsters.
They’re not even bad friends.
They’re just terrified.
When you show up with your authentic struggles, you become an uncomfortable mirror. You force them to look at parts of themselves they’ve spent years papering over with positive quotes and inspirational Instagram posts.
I learned this during one of my darkest moments. As I opened up about my mental illness in front of my friend, I watched his face twist with discomfort. Instead of listening, he started machine-gunning “but at least” statements at me like they were emotional Band-Aids:
“But at least you have a job!”
“But at least you’re healthy!”
“But at least…”
Each “but at least” felt like he was trying to build a wall between himself and the reality of human suffering. I could see it in his eyes — my pain wasn’t just making him uncomfortable, it was threatening his entire worldview.
Every time people paper over someone’s struggle with toxic positivity, they add another layer to their own emotional sufferings.
If you think about it — When was the last time you saw these people cry…When did they last admit to being truly scared…How often do they acknowledge their own struggles?
They’ve invested so much in their “good vibes only” image that facing reality seems delusional.
Your darkness isn’t just darkness to them — it’s proof that their light might be artificial.
And that’s the real tragedy. While they’re busy trying to rush you through your pain, they’re also rushing past their own growth.
Because that becomes uncomfortable reflections in the mirror. They’re not showing us what’s wrong with us. They’re showing us where “they” need to heal.
The Broken Logic of “Just”
“Just” is the favorite word of people who’ve never faced the thing they’re trying to shrink.
Just get over it
Just move on
Just be happy
Just stop thinking about it
Those three words transform an entire mountain of mental burden into a pebble that can be kicked aside.
But reality is if it were that simple, nobody would be struggling in the first place. It’s like telling someone who’s drowning to “just swim.”
Not helpful. Actually dangerous.
What They’re Really Afraid Of
I’ve watched people physically recoil when I’ve talked about my dark days. It’s like they think depression is contagious. Maybe, in a way, they’re afraid it is.
These “cheer up” champions are running from several fears:
The fear that pain is inevitable
The fear that they can’t fix everything
The fear that their own coping mechanisms are a house of cards
The fear of sitting with someone else’s discomfort
The fear of their own unprocessed emotions
Their fear of facing darkness doesn’t make them stronger. It makes them fragile. They’re like someone who never exercises, convinced they’re healthy because they’ve never tested their strength.
The Cost of Forced Happiness
Here’s what happens when you buy into the “just cheer up” mentality:
Your real emotions go underground.
They don’t disappear — they dig tunnels.
They build bunkers.
They prepare for war.
And one day, those emotions will stage a coup.
I’ve seen it happen.
The “always positive” people who snap. The “good vibes only” crowd ends up in therapy wondering why they feel so empty.
What We Actually Need
When I was in my dark times, what I needed wasn’t a command to be happy.
What I needed was simple:
Presence.
Acknowledgment.
The freedom to understand myself.
The people who’ve helped me most are the ones who say, “This really sucks, and I’m here with you.”
No fixing. No forcing.
Just being.
The Courage to Face Darkness
The next time someone tells you to “just cheer up,” just note their body language and gestures. Their words have more to do with their fears than your feelings.
Real strength isn’t in forcing happiness.
Real strength isn’t in pretending everything’s okay when it isn’t.
Real strength is saying, “I’m not okay right now, and that’s okay.”
Real strength is sitting with someone in their pain instead of trying to fix it.
Real strength is acknowledging that life isn’t always Instagram-worthy.
It’s in having the courage to feel everything — the light and the dark, the joy and the pain, the victories and the defeats.
And if you’re someone who tends to tell others to “just cheer up,” ask yourself:
What am I afraid of? What pain am I running from?
A Better Way Forward
Instead of “just cheer up,” try these:
“I’m here with you”
“This feeling won’t last forever, but it’s real right now”
“You don’t have feel okay instantly”
Or simply sit in silence together
The world doesn’t need more forced smiles.
It needs more people brave enough to acknowledge that sometimes life is hard, pain is real, and that’s okay.
Because truth is the people who can sit with you in darkness without trying to force light are the ones who truly understand what healing looks like.
They’re not afraid of the dark because they’ve learned that dawn always comes — not by forcing it, but by letting the night run its course.
Every week, I distill life-changing strategies to help you become your most exceptional self.
If these insights have impacted your journey, consider fueling this mission by “pledging support.”
Your support helps create even more powerful content for our community of high achievers. ⚡️
Thank you. This is a kind way of understanding
Thank you for posting this! I hope thousands get a chance to see it!