The Most Powerful People in Every Meeting Say Nothing at All
You're like a puppy in meetings' — How my mentor's brutal feedback changed my entire career.
I still cringe when I think about that meeting.
I was talking my face off about our latest project metrics, spreading charts across the conference room table like I was dealing poker cards. My boss sat quietly in the corner, watching me perform my little song and dance.
After what felt like my 100th PowerPoint slide, the client cleared his throat and said something that haunts me to this day:
"That's great, but you haven't once asked what we actually need."
My face burned.
My boss hadn't said a word the entire meeting, but somehow, she had more presence than my hour-long presentation.
The worst part?
She closed the deal later that week in a 15-minute conversation.
That day, I learned an expensive lesson about the power of shutting up.
The Truth About Your Big Mouth (And Mine)
The big problem is we think we're smart. We have great ideas. We've done the work.
I was that person too. The one who:
- Had an opinion about everything
- Finished other people's sentences
- Treated silence like it was allergic to success
And what all that talking got me?
Passed over for promotions, excluded from important meetings, and labeled as "enthusiastic but exhausting."
A Painful Wake-Up Call
"You're like a puppy in meetings," my mentor told me over coffee one day. "Lots of energy, lots of noise, but nobody takes a puppy seriously in the meeting room."
Ouch.
But he was right.
While I was performing, the quiet ones were:
- Getting promoted
- Closing bigger deals
- Making more money
- Going home earlier
And there I was, vocal cords tired and career stuck in neutral.
The Day Everything Changed
The boss I mentioned above…One day I worked up the courage to ask her secret.
She laughed and pulled out her phone. "Let me show you something funny."
She opened her notes app and showed me a list titled: "Things I Didn't Say Today"
Below it were bullet points of all the times she wanted to jump in but didn't. Next to each point was a little victory:
Wanted to solve dispatching problem → Team figured it out themselves
Almost shared my solution → Client revealed better approach
Nearly interrupted Sam → He shared crucial information at minute 12
"The hardest part of leadership isn't knowing what to say. It's knowing what not to say."
Why We Can't Shut Up
Let's be honest about why we talk too much:
We're scared of silence
We think our value comes from having all the answers
We're trying to prove we deserve our seat at the table
We're covering up our insecurities with noise
I know because I've felt all of these.
Hell, I still feel them sometimes.
The Quiet Revolution
Here's what happened when I finally learned to shut up:
First week: Pure torture. Felt like I was sitting on my hands.
Second week: Started noticing things I'd never seen before.
Third week: People began asking for my opinion more.
Fourth week: Got invited to meetings I'd never been included in before.
The crazy part?
I didn't get any smarter. I just got quieter.
How to Actually Do This
Here's the practical stuff that worked for me:
1. **The Traffic Light Rule**
- 🔴 Red: First 15 minutes of any meeting → Just listen
- 🟡 Yellow: Middle portion → Ask questions only
- 🟢 Green: Final part → Share insights (if needed)
2. **The Three-Second Rule**
Before speaking, ask yourself these 3 questions:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me right now?
If you can't answer "yes" to all three in three seconds, keep quiet.
**The Power Question Technique** Instead of making statements, ask:
"What's the biggest challenge here?"
"How did you arrive at that conclusion?"
"What would make this an absolute 'yes' for you?"
The Hardest Part
Full disclosure: I still mess this up.
Last week, I caught myself monologuing about what I offer to a client who was clearly trying to tell me about their actual problem. Old habits die hard.
But here's the thing about learning to shut up: You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be better than yesterday.
A Challenge for the Brave
Try this tomorrow:
Pick one meeting. If not pick any conversation. Just one. Make it small stakes.
Your only job: Don't say anything for the first 15 minutes.
Don't try to impress anyone.
Don't try to prove anything.
Just watch. Listen. Learn.
The Real Power Move
The next time you're in a meeting, try something different.
Don't focus on being the smartest person in the room. Be the most interested person in the room.
Your career will thank you.
Your blood pressure will thank you.
And yes, your vocal cords will thank you too.
I needed to see and read this so much ! Thank you for writing !