The One Question About Death That'll Transform Your Life (But Terrifies Most People)

Most People Would Rather Stay Enslaved To Their Problems Than Face This Uncomfortable Truth About Life

Welcome to “Awesome Human Beings.” Each week, I share proven frameworks for high-performance living, empowering you to step off the autopilot mode and build a life of purpose. Upgrade your membership to unlock: The Complete High-Performance Toolkit ($198 VALUE), Direct Personal Chat, Member-Only Deep Dive Content, and The Comprehensive Framework Library — every system I've developed through years of refinement.

---

I used to be the kind of person who would punch a wall during an argument.

Not metaphorically. Literally. I have the scars to prove it.

Ten years ago, if you'd told me I'd become someone who responds instead of reacts, I would have laughed in your face. Then probably started a fight about it.

But since then I’ve realized that most of us are walking around like emotional toddlers having tantrums in adult bodies. We react to everything. We explode at traffic. We lose our minds over spilled coffee. We destroy relationships because someone looked at us wrong.

And we think this is normal.

It's not normal.

It's insane.

Today, I react 70% less than I used to. I judge people less. I speak less. I observe more. I care less about other people's opinions. I reflect instead of explode.

What changed?

I discovered the one mental switch that flips your entire existence from chaos to calm. From reaction to response. From suffering to peace.

But you probably won't like how I found it.

The Breakdown That Broke Me Open

A few years ago, my life wasn't just falling apart — it was imploding like a controlled demolition.

Bank account: negative $247.16. Not $24,000. Just $247.16 with a minus.

Job: Gone. Broken knee decided that for me.

Relationship: Destroyed by my own toxic behavior.

Friends: Ghosted me because I was an insufferable jerk.

Family: Pressuring me to "get my shit together" while I was drowning.

Mental health: Let's just say I was having conversations with the bathroom mirror that weren't exactly pep talks.

But what nobody tells you about rock bottom is it's not the worst part.

The worst part is the mental replay. Every mistake. Every burned bridge. Every moment of selfishness playing on repeat in your head like a broken record from hell.

I was consumed by regret. Drowning in shame. The negative thoughts were so loud I couldn't think straight.

And that's when something beautiful happened.

I got so tired of my own bullshit that I wanted to die.

Yes, I was close.

In a "this version of me needs to die so a better version can be born" way.

"If you want to die, throw yourself in the ocean. You'll find yourself fighting to survive.

You don't want to kill yourself. You want to kill something inside of you.”

That desire for death — for the death of my ego, my patterns, my reactive self — became the switch that changed everything.

The Death-Consciousness Switch (Why Spiritual People Get It Wrong)

I grew up in a spiritual family. Heard all the quotes a million times:

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it."

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose."

Beautiful words. Completely useless until you have the right switch to activate them.

See, most spiritual advice is like giving someone a Ferrari manual when they don't have the keys. You can read about response versus reaction all day long, but until you have a trigger powerful enough to interrupt your patterns, you're just collecting pretty quotes.

My trigger was death-consciousness.

Not morbid obsession with dying. Death-consciousness as a tool for living.

Here's how it works:

In any moment of conflict, challenge, or chaos, I ask myself one question:

"If I died right after this interaction, what energy would I carry into whatever comes next?"

That question is a nuclear bomb for reactive behavior.

The Supermarket Revelation

I was carefully selecting apples when some rushed shopper crashed into my basket. Groceries scattered across the floor like fallen soldiers.

My first instinct? Pure rage. "What the fff—" almost come out of my mouth.

Then I looked up.

Instead of an inconsiderate stranger, I saw a mother juggling a toddler and looking mortified. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!" she said, genuine panic in her voice.

In that split second, my death-consciousness switch activated.

If I died right after yelling at this struggling mother, what energy would I carry? Anger? Judgment? Cruelty toward someone already overwhelmed?

The switch flipped.

"It's okay. Accidents happen," I heard myself say. Calm. Present. Human.

We both bent down to pick up the apples. Her toddler giggled. What could have been a moment of mutual irritation became a moment of mutual humanity.

She thanked me and left less flustered. I continued shopping with a lighter heart.

That's the power of the switch. It doesn't just change how you feel — it changes the entire energy of the situation for everyone involved.

Family Dynamics Is Where the Switch Gets Really Tested

Real talk: Family gatherings are spiritual boot camp for anyone trying to evolve.

I live in Canada now, so visits to India are rare. They're also potential minefields because of one particular uncle who has opinions about everything, especially my "so-called creative career."

During my last visit, over dinner, he lobbed his usual verbal grenade: "So, still trying to make it in your so-called creative career?" Complete with that smirk that says, "I'm about to enjoy watching you defend yourself."

Old me would have exploded. Would have listed every achievement, every dollar earned, every reason he was wrong. Would have turned dinner into a battlefield.

New me? I'd just finished a meditation session, so my death-consciousness was fully online.

If I died right after this conversation, would I want to carry the energy of defensive anger? Of needing to prove myself to someone whose approval I don't actually need?

Hell no.

"I appreciate your concern, Uncle," I said, voice steady. "It's not for everyone, but I'm genuinely happy with where I am. Finding fulfillment in what I do matters to me."

Silence. You could feel the entire table recalibrating.

Uncle looked stunned. No explosion to feed off. No defensive energy to escalate.

"You know, I just don't understand this new-age job stuff," he said, his tone softer than usual. "In my time, we picked traditional careers."

Instead of hearing criticism, I heard curiosity. Instead of an attack to defend against, I heard an opportunity for connection.

"I get that, Uncle. Times have changed. There's more room now to turn passions into careers. It's not always easy, but it's rewarding."

What followed wasn't an argument. It was a conversation. About career evolution. About generational differences. About what fulfillment means across different eras.

I saw something I'd never seen before in his eyes:

**respect.**

That's what happens when you respond from consciousness instead of react from unconsciousness.

You create space for actual human connection.

The Dog That Taught Me About Energy

Even animals can be teachers when you're operating from the right consciousness.

I used to hate dogs. Thought they were unpredictable, aggressive for no reason. Proof of this belief: Buster, my neighbor's usually friendly Labrador, who would growl and bare his teeth whenever I walked past.

"See?" I'd think. "Dogs are just aggressive."

One day, as Buster did his usual intimidation routine, my neighbor Kate called out: "Buster wants you to pet him."

I looked at her like she was insane. "This dog wants to eat me."

"Dogs can sense mental energy," she explained. "When someone's internally agitated, they react protectively. If you'd scolded him, he would have gone crazy. But if you approach with calm energy..."

I was skeptical but curious. What energy was I carrying that made this dog defensive?

I knelt down and gently touched his fur, forcing myself to soften my internal state. Immediately, Buster's demeanor changed. Tail wagging. Trying to lick my hand.

Whether dogs can actually sense mental rage, I'm not sure. But that interaction taught me something profound:

The energy we carry affects every living thing around us.

When we're reactive, we create reactive environments. When we respond from peace, we create peaceful environments.

When the Switch Matters Most

The real test of any personal development comes during crisis. Not yours. But your loved ones.

My cousin was going through hell — job loss, relationship problems, financial stress. During one of our conversations, she exploded at me.

"You just don't get it, do you?" she said, voice breaking with frustration. "You're not the one going through this mess!"

Every instinct screamed at me to defend myself. To point out all the ways I was trying to help. To get hurt and pull away.

But my death-consciousness kicked in.

If I died right after this interaction with my sister in crisis, what energy would I want to carry? Defensiveness? Hurt ego? Or love for someone I care about who's in pain?

"I may not fully understand what you're going through," I said quietly, "but I'm here to listen. Tell me more, so I can try to understand."

She looked surprised. No defensiveness to push against. No ego to battle. Just presence.

We sat down. She poured out everything — the fears, the shame, the overwhelm. I didn't try to fix anything. Didn't offer solutions. Just listened with my whole being.

Within minutes, she was calmer. Not because I solved her problems, but because I gave her something rare: complete presence without judgment.

"Thank you," she said later. "I just needed someone to hear me."

That's when I realized: Most people don't need solutions. They need presence. They need to be seen and heard without judgment. They need someone to respond to their humanity instead of react to their pain.

The Science Behind the Switch (Why This Actually Works)

Here's what's happening neurologically when you use death-consciousness:

Your amygdala — the brain's alarm system — starts firing when it perceives threat. Could be physical danger or ego threat, doesn't matter. Fight-or-flight kicks in. Rational thinking goes offline.

This is reaction mode. Pure survival instinct.

But when you pause and engage death-consciousness, you activate your prefrontal cortex — the part of your brain responsible for higher-order thinking, empathy, and conscious choice.

You literally shift from operating from your reptilian brain to operating from your evolved human brain.

Viktor Frankl, who survived Nazi concentration camps, said it perfectly:

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom."

Death-consciousness creates that space. It forces you to pause long enough to choose your response instead of defaulting to your reaction.

Why 99% of People Never Find This Switch

Most people never discover death-consciousness because they're terrified of death.

I realized this when I learned that death is one of the most beautiful truths of life:

Sometimes it might not physical death necessarily, but ego death. The death of their reactive patterns. The death of their victim stories. The death of their need to be right.

They'd rather stay unconscious and reactive than face the temporary discomfort of evolving.

Plus, our culture worships reaction. We celebrate "clapbacks" and "savage responses." We think quick comebacks are signs of intelligence. We mistake emotional explosions for passion.

We've been trained to react, not respond.

But reaction is unconscious. Response is conscious.

Reaction creates chaos. Response creates peace.

Reaction destroys relationships. Response deepens them.

How to Install Your Own Death-Consciousness Switch

Grab a pen and paper becasue this essay might get lost in your inbox or you may never find it in the again in the quest of life.

Step 1: Acknowledge Your Reactive Patterns

Get honest about your triggers. What makes you explode? Criticism? Disrespect? Being ignored? Write them down.

Step 2: Practice the Death Question

In any triggering moment, ask: "If I died right after this interaction, what energy would I carry forward?"

This question short-circuits reactive patterns and creates space for conscious choice.

Step 3: Start Small

Don't try to master this during your biggest crisis. Practice on small annoyances. The slow barista. The rude driver. The passive-aggressive coworker.

Step 4: Expect Resistance

Your ego will fight this. It's survived by being reactive. It doesn't want to die, even temporarily.

Push through the resistance. Every time you choose response over reaction, you're strengthening your consciousness muscle.

Step 5: Embrace the Awkward Phase

There's a weird period where you're conscious enough to see your reactions but not yet skilled enough to consistently choose responses.

You'll catch yourself mid-explosion and think, "Shit, I'm doing it again."

That awareness is actually progress. You can't change what you can't see.

How One Switch Changes Everything in Your life

The one thing I’ve learned about death-consciousness is: It doesn't just change your internal experience. It changes the entire field around you.

When you respond instead of react, you're not just modeling different behavior. You're literally changing the energetic frequency of every interaction.

That calm energy you bring to conflicts? It helps others access their own calm energy.

That presence you offer during crisis? It reminds others that presence is possible.

That consciousness you choose in triggering moments? It creates space for others to choose consciousness too.

You become a tuning fork for peace. And peace is contagious.

The Warning Label

I need to be honest: This path isn't for everyone.

If you like drama, don't develop death-consciousness. It will ruin your high.

If you need to be right all the time, don't develop death-consciousness. It will force you to choose love over being right.

If you enjoy being a victim, don't develop death-consciousness. It will show you how much power you actually have.

If you like chaos, don't develop death-consciousness. It will bring too much peace to your life.

But if you're tired of being an emotional pinball, bouncing between reactions...

If you're exhausted from drama and conflict...

If you want relationships based on love instead of power struggles...

If you're ready to access the deepest parts of your humanity...

Then death-consciousness might be exactly what you've been searching for.

The Ultimate Test

Want to know if you're ready for this switch?

Think about your biggest enemy. The person who triggers you most. The one whose mere existence makes your blood boil.

Now imagine having a conversation with them while fully embodying death-consciousness.

If that thought terrifies you, you're probably ready. Fear is often a sign you're approaching something transformative.

If that thought intrigues you, you're definitely ready. Curiosity is consciousness knocking at your door.

If that thought bores you, you're not ready yet. And that's okay. You'll know when you are.

The Invitation

I'm not asking you to believe me. I'm asking you to experiment.

Try death-consciousness for one week. Just one week.

Every time you feel triggered, ask:

"If I died right after this interaction, what energy would I want to carry forward?"

See what happens to your relationships.

See what happens to your internal state.

See what happens to your world when you start responding instead of reacting.

You might discover what I discovered: The switch between reaction and response isn't just a tool for better living.

It's the key to being fully human.

And being fully human — conscious, present, responsive — is the closest thing to magic this world offers.

Let me know what you think?

Best,
Darshak

---

P.S. If you found value in this piece, share it with someone else you know would benefit.

P.P.S. If you want to grow alongside other thoughtful individuals stepping off autopilot to design extraordinary lives, join our Awesome Human Beings Membership. Access the exclusive perks —The Complete High-Performance Toolkit, Direct Personal Chats, Member-Only Deep Dives, and The Comprehensive Framework Library.