This is exactly why people avoid you
I've been guilty as charged
70 to 93% of communication is non-verbal, shown through gestures, body language, voice tones, etc.
Yes, body language and nonverbal interactions reveal what a person hides, deliberately or unknowingly!
A psychiatric study by Brinke LT, Stimson DS, and Carney DR reveals there are various reasons why body language doesn’t support words uttered.
But one thing is certain — we don’t mean to annoy people — it just happens without us realizing it. And the sad part is people perceive those behaviors as rude, insensitive, and arrogant.
I have been on both ends of the spectrum — the annoyer and the annoyed.
So, here are some things I’ve learned NOT to do at all costs to maintain the decorum of any social situation.
Dismissing Others’ Life Preferences/Perceptions
I was at a dinner gathering with some friends when the conversation somehow turned to aliens. Now, I don’t believe in aliens. But one of my friends does. And she started talking about how she thinks they exist and have visited our planet.
I could tell the other people at the table weren’t interested in what she had to say. But I didn’t want to be rude, so I just sat there and listened.
Then, one of the other guests started making fun of her for believing in aliens.
I could tell she was getting really upset, so I jumped in and changed the subject.
Making fun of someone else’s opinions is a surefire way to annoy them — especially if they’re already feeling insecure about their beliefs.
It’s important to respect other people’s beliefs, even if you don’t agree with them.
Otherwise, you risk coming across as judgmental and close-minded.
Stealing The Thunder
When you one-up someone, you’re trying to make yourself feel better by making the other person feel worse.
It’s a way of saying, “My life is better than yours.”
One-upping is often done in an attempt to make the other person feel inferior — which says more about you than it does about them.
Here’s an example:
Person 1: “I just bought a new car!”
Person 2: “That’s great! I also bought a new house recently.”
See what happened there? Person 2 just One-Upped Person 1.
Instead of congratulating person 1, person 2 shared their achievements.
The PDA Police
We’ve all been there. You’re out in public, minding your business, when you see a couple making out.
“It’s gross, right, dad? Can’t they keep that kind of thing to the bedroom,” I casually said.
My dad gave me a stern look and replied, “Just because you don’t like public displays of affection (PDA) doesn’t mean everyone shares your opinion.”
And he made sense.
Lesson learned — Some people are really into PDA and enjoy showing their affection for each other in public. And there’s nothing wrong with that.
So, before you judge people for being too lovey-dovey in public, remember that not everyone shares your opinion on the matter.
The “I Deserve” Mentality
This is a dangerous one.
It’s natural to want things. We’re all human, after all.
But there’s a big difference between wanting something and feeling like you deserve it.
When you have the “I deserve” mentality, you start to believe that you’re entitled to certain things — even if you haven’t earned them.
This can lead to many problems, from making poor choices to experiencing major disappointment when you don’t get what you feel you deserve.
It can also lead to jealousy, ego clashes, and bitterness in a relationship.
So, next time you think, “I deserve this,” take a step back and ask yourself if that’s true.
The Superiority Complex
I think we can all agree that no one likes a bragger. We’ve all met that person who loves to talk about their accomplishments and how great they are.
It gets old pretty quickly.
But what about the people who act superior without even realizing it? They might not be as bad as the bragger, but their behavior can still come across as arrogant.
For example, let’s say you’re at a party and start talking to someone about your work. You might not mean to, but you find yourself bragging about your job or how much money you make. Or maybe you start talking about how you’re smarter or better than others.
It’s easy to do without realizing it, but it can make the other person feel inferior.
And no one likes to feel like that.
The Blame Game
Blaming others is a sign of weakness. It’s a way of avoiding responsibility for your actions.
And it’s also incredibly annoying.
No one wants to be around someone who is always quick to point the finger and place the blame on someone else.
We all make mistakes. We’re all human.
But it’s the way we handle our mistakes that defines us as individuals.
Psychologist Elliot Aronson formulated a psychological likability trick that says:
“People who are extremely skilled are more likable when they make a common mistake and accept them.”
Your vulnerable side will make you more socially desirable. Revealing your imperfections/weaknesses builds “empathy.”
Playing Favorites
Whether we like to admit it or not, we’ve all been guilty of playing favorites at some point in our lives.
We might have a favorite child, team member, or sports team.
There’s nothing wrong with having favorites. But the problem arises when we let our favorites get away with things that we wouldn’t let others get away with.
This is unfair and creates resentment. It’s also a surefire way to lose the respect of those around you.
Talking Over People
This is a big one, especially in today’s world, where everyone is always connected and trying to have a conversation at the same time.
Getting caught up in your thoughts and talking over people without realizing it can be easy. But it’s a major pet peeve for many people, so trying to avoid doing it is important.
If you are talking over people often, take a step back and be more aware of the conversation.
Listen more than you talk; give people a chance to speak before jumping in with your thoughts.
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