This Makes You Less Likable

Do you ever wonder why some people naturally seem to be more likable than others?

It’s not always because they’re the most beautiful or the richest person in the room.

In fact, sometimes it’s quite the opposite.

The people who are the most likable are often those who are down-to-earth, positive, and interested in others.

Also, they might not do anything special — they happen to avoid the common pitfalls that make people less likable.

I have read many psychology and self-help books over the years, and I’ve found that there are certain things we do that make us less likable without even realizing it.

1. Complaining About First World Problems

In the grand scheme of things, most of our problems are quite small.

I consider myself fortunate that I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and clothes on my back.

But, I wasn’t like that before. I was one of the most ungrateful people on earth until a rare neurological disorder made me realize the importance of my life.

I’m not saying that you should ignore your problems or act like everything is perfect when it isn’t.

Criss Jami beautifully explains this fact in her book Killosophy:

“Like crying wolf, if you keep looking for sympathy as a justification for your actions, you will someday be left standing alone when you really need help.”

So, the key is to find a balance between appreciating what you have and working on the things that need improvement.

Some people quickly complain about first-world problems such as being stuck in traffic, having a bad hair day, or not getting the latest iPhone.

Others focus on gratitude and find the silver lining in every cloud.

It’s easy to be grateful when nothing is going well. The real challenge is to find things to be thankful for when life is easy.

If you want to be more likable, focus on the positive things in your life and try to see the glass half full instead of half empty. People love to see your grateful side more than your Debbie downer aspect.

2. Making Snap Judgements in a Micro-Second

I had a colleague who was always quick to judge people. He always had something negative to say about everyone, including his family and friends.

It was like he was looking for reasons to dislike people.

The reality is that most people are good.

Sure, some people are annoying, but that’s usually because of their innate behavior or life’s circumstances.

As Colleen Hoover mentions in her book, Slammed:

“Never judge others. You both know good and well how unexpected events can change who a person is. Always keep that in mind. You never know what someone else is experiencing within their own life.”

When you judge someone, you essentially say that you don’t understand them and are not interested in getting to know them better.

Instead of judging others, be more understanding and open-minded.

Allow yourself to see the world through their eyes, and you might be surprised by how much you have in common.

3. Giving You Two Cents Without Permission

Nobody likes a know-it-all person.

People like to be heard. Not ignored.

But there’s someone who always has to be right, always has an opinion on everything, and never admits that they don’t know something.

We’ve all been in a conversation with a know-it-all, and it’s not a pleasant experience. These conversations are often one-sided because the other person is too busy talking.

Nobody likes to be talked to, especially when the topic is of no interest to them.

If you want to be more likable, avoid being a know-it-all and try to be genuinely interested in other people and their opinions.

An interesting quote from Amit Kalantri’s book Wealth of Words comes to my mind in this context:

“Along with your advice also offer your assistance, if your advice fail them, your assistance may save them.”

Resist the urge to always put your two cents in and instead focus on listening and learning from others.

4. Being Self-Absorbed to the Point of Paranoia

We all have an ego. And it’s natural to want to talk about ourselves and our accomplishments.

But there’s a fine line between being proud of what you’ve achieved and being a bragging, self-absorbed jerk.

If you don’t like to engage with a self-obsessed person, chances are others don’t like either.

So, it’s important to talk about yourself and your successes, but you also need to have a genuine interest in knowing others.

A great way to avoid coming across as self-absorbed is to ask other people questions.

And when you do talk about yourself, try to focus on the impact you had on others. The lessons you learn from candid conversations are superior to just bragging about your accomplishments.

5. An Urge To Check Notifications In The Middle of a Conversation

This one is a bit of a no-brainer.

If you’re in a conversation with someone, put your phone away.

Nothing says, “I’m not interested in you or what you have to say,” like looking at your phone while the other person is talking.

We’ve all been guilty of this at one point. But it’s important to try to avoid it if you want to be more likable.

If you can’t put your phone away, at least have the courtesy to let the other person know that you’re expecting an important call or text.

And if you must take a call, excuse yourself from the conversation and explain that you’ll be right back.

6. Enforcing Your Views and Opinions on Others

Have you ever met someone who couldn’t stop talking about their political or religious views?

Or maybe you know someone who is always trying to sell you something, even if you’re not interested?

People who do these things often don’t realize how annoying it is.

The reality is that most people don’t care about your views and opinions unless they ask for them.

And even if they did, they don’t want you to force your ideas on them. What they want is a respectful conversation where they can also share their views.

Of course, it’s okay to talk about controversial topics.

But always remember that pushing your views on others is a sure way to make them dislike you.

Final Thoughts

It can be challenging to change longstanding behaviors, but it’s definitely worth the effort!

Likability is key to making strong connections with others, and I believe that everyone can become more likable.

Remember to be positive, listen more than you talk, and be open-minded when in doubt.

What other things would you add? Let me know in your responses!

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Thanks once again!

See ya next time!

Lots of love,

Darshak