To Prioritize in Life, Use the "Rock, Pebbles, and Sand" Technique
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Everything seems like a priority these days.
Work wants you to prioritize hitting your numbers and wasting years of your life in Zoom meetings.
Your partner wants you to prioritize date nights over your side hustles and aimlessly doomscrolling.
The kids want you to prioritize their 743 different hobbies and dance recitals over your dwindling dreams.
Nothing wrong with that. They’re all important.
But in what order?
99% of people don’t know. And?
Then, out of nowhere, they blink and another decade has passed by.
Your biggest priority seems to be checking off boxes on everyone else's to-do list.
Before you self-medicate by watching a documentary on Netflix, I have a simple mental model to prioritize your life's true priorities.
It's called the "rock, pebbles, and sand" technique.
The Rock Is Your “Reason” For Being
What's the ONE thing that if you achieved it, your life would feel complete?
Everybody has a rock — that enormous, immovable object in their life that serves as their vivid reason for existence.
It's not something like "being a good parent" or "making money."
(You’re not born to be a parent or earn money.)
Those are pebbles at best (relax, we'll get to those).
Your rock is your life's greatest ambition. The dream that jolts you awake in the middle of the night with a Muhammad Ali-like burst of sweat and conviction.
It's that novel you want to pour the entirety of your soul into.
Or that global business you want to build from the ground up with your bare hands.
Elon Musk's rock is getting humanity to Mars.
Writing literary classics on par with Hemingway was J.D. Salinger's immovable rock.
How to do?
Define your rock with such clarity that you can picture it clearly.
See it with the same vivid intensity as the Spanish Inquisition saw those suspected of heresy before torturing them.
Emotionally imprint it in your psyche and never let it go blurry, even for a second.
Your rock will be the ultimate filter for what matters most in your life.
The Pebbles in Your Life Are Important Too
With the rock unwaveringly in place, it's time to address the pebbles.
These are the significant obligations and priorities that while massively important, aren't your singular driving force.
They're compulsory.
Responsibilities you signed up for like:
marriage,
parenting,
financial security,
friendships, etc.
These damn pebbles can't be ignored.
But at the same time, they must never knock your rock off center stage.
Try to fill up as much of life's space with pebbles as you can — stack them neatly and give them plenty of breathing room.
But never let the pebbles take up so much real estate that they suffocate your ambition to make your rock a reality.
The Seductive Sands of Distraction
If your rock represents your ultimate purpose and the pebbles are your important life foundations, then sand is everything else.
Sand distracts you from your path:
video games,
social media,
TV bingeing,
shopping impulses,
gossiping, etc.
Partake in all the sand you want, but never let it become the beach.
Too much sand suffocates your rock.
Plus, it erodes those stable pebbles you worked so hard to build up.
What should you do?
Pour the sand last into your life's container once the rock and pebbles are firmly in position.
Let it fill whatever remaining crevices and cracks that are left over.
Sand is harmless fun in small doses.
Problems arise when we pour sand into the jar before establishing the rock and fortifying the pebbles.
Then the toxic sands shift and slither their way to dominate our lives.
Before you know it, you wake up at 55 and wonder where the hell your life went.
A Small Fun Exercise I Recommend
Study YouTube for a visual demonstration of the "rock, pebbles, and sand" mental model.
Get some rocks, pebbles, and sand.
Then practice stacking them properly into a glass jar in the right order of priority.
Move the rock around and viscerally experience how much it disrupts the pebbles and sand when out of position.
Keep practicing until it's ingrained in your mind what should take precedence - the rock, pebbles, then sand last.
You have One Life - Make It Worthwhile
The counterintuitive key to this prioritizing technique is to block out everything else.
It’ll give your unwavering commitment to your rock first — before anything.
Business philosophers, self-help gurus, and Stoic authors have preached some version of this message for ages. Elite performers in every domain instinctively prioritize their singular ambition above all else.
By keeping your rock at the forefront, the other pesky priorities in your life won't seem like competing commitments — they'll feel like complimentary companions that support your quest.
Most of us unconsciously invert the process.
We half-heartedly commit to our dreams after surrendering to the barrage of pebbles and sand flung at us daily.
Before we know it, our vibrant dreams calcify into uninspiring stones perpetually kicked down life's road. No longer radiating energy, they become weighing anchors of discontent.
Don't allow your rock to gather that much dust and go to the grave with it still on the bucket list.
Tune out the delusional big talkers who claim you can easily "have it all" and prioritize everything simultaneously.
That's New Age snake oil sold to siphon money from the insecure masses.
You're human.
You can really only keep one rock in hyperfocus at a time before you split your energy and shortchange your potential.
Right now, get present with your rock.
What is your chief ambition?
What specific milestone is non-negotiable for you to consider your life a life well-lived?
Name it.
Picture it.
Write it down with brutal specificity to cement it into your consciousness.
Then arrange your life's pebbles to support turning your rock into reality.
Quit mindlessly tossing sand around your castle — permit it only once your rock and pebbles have been meticulously positioned.
Neglecting your rock will condemn you to a life of lucrative distractions and paid busyness.
Completing your rock won't leave you drifting for purpose - you'll redefine a new, more expansive rock. But you'll have an emotional anchor within yourself that can never be severed.
Even when life's circumstances shift, you'll have achieved a pinnacle of meaning that will sustain your soul during the remaining pebbles and sand.
Too many of us sleepwalk until it's too late.
We lose the sacred gift of prioritizing our rock due to getting consumed by pebbles and constantly replenishing sand where it doesn't belong.
Wake up from autopilot.
Reevaluate your life's rock by contextualizing your environment with tangible symbols.
Why This Works
It’s sustainable.
It’s speedy.
It’s practical.
This method isn’t about getting more done—it’s about getting the right things done.
By focusing on your rocks, you ensure that your most impactful work isn’t overshadowed by the daily grind. This leads to a more sustainable and fulfilling life, where you’re not just busy, but productive.
When I applied this technique to my own life, I prioritized writing a book (a rock), which had been on my to-do list for years.
By setting aside time each morning to write before anything else, I made significant progress without sacrificing other important areas of my life.
Think about what your rocks, pebbles, and sand are.
How can you rearrange your jar so that you’re prioritizing the things that truly matter?
Remember, if you don’t prioritize your life, someone else will.
👉 If this post resonates with you, forward it on to your buddies!
And please, don't forget to hit that ❤️ button.
If you’re NOT using the app, respond with the word “Awesome.”
It helps others find it on Substack.
Thanks for the support! 🙌
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