What to Do When Life Feels Out of Control

Here’s how not to let uncertainty affect your mental calm

Hey,

Before you ring in the new year bells, I want to empower you against uncertainty.

I promise to keep it short, simple, and an easy 5-minute read that will leave you with plenty of takeaways on how to prepare yourself for the upcoming unknown challenges that 2023 might possibly have.

So let’s begin with the last letter of 2022!

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“Life is made up of only the things you can control.”

I didn’t buy this line when I read it on some pharmaceutical company’s tagline. Maybe it would be easier if there were a list of uncontrollable somewhere… But, alas, there wasn’t.

So, I thought, “why do I feel stressed about uncertainty and unexpected events?”

The first answer popped up in my head: "I am unprepared!”

You might have experienced it — You wake up in the morning and feel like you have a plan for your day. And then, just as soon as you start to execute that plan, something happens — you get caught in traffic on the way to work; your boss asks you to do an extra task at noon, or someone brings donuts into the office, and everyone gathers chit-chatting for a whole thirty minutes.

Suddenly what should be a productive day turns into a blur of missed deadlines and dropped balls.

However, you can’t do anything about uncertainty. But you can surely train yourself not to get affected by them.

That’s why I want to share some simple tips that have helped me regain my sense of control and ease up on feeling overwhelmed.

The Wrong Expectation of a Flawless Life

“I’m sorry, but there’s no such thing as a flawless life,” my mom tells me. “If you’re looking for that, you’ll be disappointed.”

“But I thought you were happy?” I ask her, not understanding how it could be true if she were always complaining about this or that.

She sighs and leans back in her chair. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Let me give you one example — When you were small, I had work piled up every 15 minutes. I wish someone would have done them. But your dad was at work and had no one around to help. So, I had to do them all.”

She pauses before adding: “It finally clicked. Life isn’t about having no problems at all, it’s about learning how to navigate the obstacles that come your way with a little bit of grace and resilience.”

Perfect is boring and unrealistic!

Life will inevitably bring challenges and obstacles your way, and it’s important to realize that the only way we can make progress is by not setting wrong expectations.

Here’s what can help:

1. Lower your expectations and accept that life is unpredictable.

2. Make realistic goals for yourself.

3. Take a few moments each day to be grateful for the good things in your life.

4. Create an action plan for “what-if” scenarios: Have a plan A, B, and C (in case).

5. Move on to doing another project (distraction) asap. This prevents uncertain failures from zapping your mental energy and focus.

Change Your Perspective

The worst thing that can happen to a writer happened to me.

My laptop crashed halfway through the writing project, whose deadline was the next day!

All my work was gone because I didn’t back up anywhere else.

I was so overwhelmed that I almost gave up and went to bed.

While writing my night journal, I had a tube light moment. “I could write it on paper and send it to the client tomorrow. At least they’ll understand the problem and extend the deadline for me”.

This simple change of perspective changed everything. I grabbed my pen and paper, cleared the table, and started scribbling.

The next day was obvious. I could send the project on time and get the deadline pushed.

Though I didn’t make any earnest attempt to make the situation better, I learned a lot from it.

Here’s what can help:

1. Take a deep breath and think, “okay, now what?”

2. Look at the situation from a different perspective.

3. Ask yourself, “what can I do to improve this?”

4. Break down each problem into smaller parts and tackle them one by one.

5. Think of creative solutions or ask for help if needed.

6. Believe that you have the power to change things.

Don’t Rush To Make Things Right

I was in the twelfth grade when my parents sat me down and told me about their expectations for college. They had talked to many people and wanted to ensure I knew what could be best for me.

But the truth was, I had no idea what I wanted from college. And it scared me that my parents were expecting something from me that I couldn’t deliver because of my confusion.

So, they asked me to take the time to explore my interests and talk to people who were pursuing different paths.

The more I talked to people, the clearer my goals became. This exercise taught me that it was okay to be scared. But it’s not okay to rush into making decisions because of fear.

Here’s what can help:

1. Take time to evaluate your options and explore various career paths.

2. Don’t rush into anything if you are unsure about it.

3. Ask questions and talk to people who have been there before you or experienced something similar.

Introversion Is the Best Mental Lotion

I started writing a journal when my boss changed from a kind, gentle man to one who would scream at me for no reason.

The tumultuous environment in the office made me realize that I needed more time alone to process my thoughts and emotions.

Whenever that happened, I would open my diary and write my feelings on paper.

Writing helped me to manage my stress levels, find clarity and regain control over my life. Reviewing them every Sunday gave me a sense of accomplishment and helped me regain my focus.

Here’s what can help:

1. Set aside some “me” time every day to connect with yourself.

2. Take breaks without guilt throughout the day or when you feel overwhelmed.

3. Create an environment that soothes and nurtures your soul by calming music or lighting a scented candle.

4. Schedule periodic “check-ins” with yourself to assess where your mind and emotions are at.

5. Don’t judge yourself for the way you feel. Accept your feelings, identify the stimuli and change how you feel by forgiving yourself or the person who hurt you.

6. Consider insults as a perception, not a reality.

7. Treat opinions as opinions; don’t take them personally.

Do What You Think Is Right For You

I woke up feeling tired and uninspired after a long night of studying for exams. I didn’t finish reading everything, but I couldn’t study anymore.

I decided to take a little break by turning on some music and taking a bubble bath. When I got into the tub, my phone rang — it was one of my friends inviting me over for some quick revision.

The idea sounded great, but here’s where things began to get interesting: there were bubbles all around me, the water felt warm against my skin, making me feel relaxed, and another person was offering me what a studious student craves.

But I decided to go straight into the examination hall, feeling confident in my judgment.

When I returned after giving the exam, I felt content that I had made the right decision by following my heart.

Here’s what can help:

1. Listen to your gut, even if it doesn’t make sense.

2. Prioritize your peace and mental health over anything else in life.

3. Make decisions with full conviction, and don’t be afraid of the consequences.

4. Have faith in yourself, and everything will eventually fall into place.

Which idea resonated with you the most?

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If you’ve gained anything from this letter, I have some requests:

1. Follow me on Twitter and Linkedin for more updates: (Clickable Links)

2. Consider sharing this letter on social media with your friends and family.

   
   AND…and…and!

“PLEASE” do share your views on today’s letter.

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Thanks once again!

I wish you all a very happy, healthy, peaceful, and powerful New Year!

Lots of love,

Darshak