When Life Seems Out Of Control, Try These Tricks
I've learned how not to be a prisoner of uncertainty
Life is made up of only the things you can control.
Like most, I didn’t buy this truth when I read it. Maybe it would be easier if there were a list of uncontrollable somewhere… But, alas, there wasn’t.
So, I thought, why is a life filled with uncertainty and unexpected events?
The first answer that popped up in my head was, “I am unprepared!”
You might have experienced it — You wake up in the morning and feel like you have a plan for your day.
And then, just as soon as you start to execute that plan, something happens — you get caught in traffic on the way to work; your boss asks you to do an extra task at noon, or someone brings donuts into the office, and everyone gathers chit-chatting for a whole thirty minutes.
Suddenly what should be a productive day turns into a blur of missed deadlines and dropped balls.
Just like this office scenario, we can control many situations without losing our sanity or mental health by doing what’s in our hands.
With plenty of ups and downs, failures and rejections, and physical and mental health issues, I have found ways to control the uncontrollable.
It was all there, in front of my eyes — or rather behind them — for years, and yet I never saw.
Here are some ways that empowered me to ensure life doesn’t take over…
There’s no such thing as a flawless life
“I’m sorry, but there’s no such thing as a flawless life,” my mom tells me. “If you’re looking for that, then you’ll be disappointed.”
“But I thought you were happy here?” I ask her, not understanding how it could be true if she were always complaining about this or that.
She sighs and leans back in her chair. “It’s hard to explain.”
“I see the dishes piled up in the kitchen sink and think I wish someone would do these dishes. But when they get done, I have another pile of dirty dishes after an hour or two.”
She pauses before adding: “It never ends. Life isn’t supposed to be what you think it will be. You’ve to suck it up and move on with what you have.”
Perfect is boring and unrealistic!
Life will inevitably bring challenges and obstacles your way, and it’s important to realize that the only way we can make progress is by sharing our feelings and relying on each other.
When you feel overwhelmed or helpless, talk to a friend, take up yoga or do something kind for someone.
Running away from problems into a fantasy world or expecting life to be without hurdles are the major causes of getting caught up in the whirlpool of life.
Introversion is the best mental lotion
I am not sure when I first suspected that my life was spiraling out of control.
It could have been around when my boss changed from being a kind, gentle man to one who would scream at me if he thought I wasn’t working hard enough.
Or it could have been other things, but I did know for sure that something had to change, even if it meant throwing everything away and starting anew.
I had spent most of my adult life trying to please others — whether they were parents, bosses, or teachers — until there was no more room in me for myself.
So, I forced a wellness routine that started with meditating for 10 minutes before work each morning and setting aside some time at night for reflection. This enabled me to focus on what was in my control against the odds.
Seeing positive results, I enforced a five-minute mindful break every hour to reflect on what’s hurting me and how to relieve that pain so my next hour doesn’t get compromised.
When you control your mental wellness, you are less likely to be controlled by the “outside world.”
Fighting is not the best response
I have always been a person who has resisted change. I would cling to my old ways of doing things, routines, and habits until they became impossible to do.
Anything new would be met with apprehension at best and with downright hostility at worst.
But, I saw the world as an unpredictable place that was constantly changing — it made me uncomfortable.
However, one day something happened that changed everything for me: my laptop died on me halfway through writing an academic project whose deadline was the next day!
All of my work was now gone because I didn’t back up anywhere else. This situation actually turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it forced me to finally embrace change rather than fighting against it all the time.
I realized that instead of crying and sulking about the happenings, it’s better to accept and move on.
We live in an ever-changing world. Trying to fight a change can not only be exhausting — but it also means we resist the present moment and all the opportunities that exist in it.
One way to stop this from happening is to embrace change by becoming aware of your resistance.
When you find yourself pushing against something, take a step back and ask yourself what part of the change you want? Then let go of the push.
Living your life on your terms is your birthright
I think it was when I was in the ninth or tenth grade that my parents sat down with me and told me about their expectations for college. They talked to many people, and they wanted to ensure I knew what they were expecting from me.
It seemed like everyone at school was going off to a glamorous Engineering college, but it wasn’t always clear what these kids would be doing after school or if they even liked it.
Naturally, this made me nervous — there’s no way you can go back to being a kid once you’re out of elementary school! That’s why I explained my goals and expectations from my life and myself.
Had I not been clear about my priorities, I wouldn’t have set boundaries and rules to enjoy the life I have today.
One way to control your life is to set limits on what you will and won’t do.
This means setting firm boundaries with people who ask too much of you, so you can keep yourself out of situations where it is impossible to be in charge of yourself.
It also means setting boundaries with your thoughts and emotions by identifying the triggers and practicing self-compassion instead of pushing yourself to do more.
Seeking perfection is self-defeating
The day I realized that perfectionism doesn’t exist in real life was the best day of my life. It started like any other normal, average day… But this one was different because it would change me forever.
I woke up feeling tired and uninspired after a long night of studying for exams. I didn’t finish reading everything, but I couldn’t take study anymore.
So I decided to take a little break by turning on some music and taking a bubble bath. Right, when I got into the tub, my phone rang — it was one of my friends inviting me over for the last hour of revision.
The idea sounded great, but here’s where things began to get interesting: there were bubbles all around me, the water felt warm against my skin, making me feel relaxed, and another person was offering me what a studious student craves.
But I chose not to study and went straight into the examination hall, answering every question perfectly. Surprisingly, I handled even those questions that I hadn’t revised.
One of the biggest obstacles we face in taking control of our lives is a perfectionist mentality — the idea that there is a perfect way to do things or mistakes we have made that cannot be undone.
Instead of trying for perfection, just try your best — and remember that sometimes it’s better to cut yourself some slack, too.
If my letter motivated you even a bit, consider sharing it with your friends and family.
And don’t forget to reply with any emoji that represents your mood right now!
Thanks once again for being my friend!
See ya!
Lots of love,
Darshak